Save the Drama for Your Mama
Not since Bridget was first home from the hospital have I felt this completely incompetent and incapable about caring for her.
Since Wednesday I have been in a tailspin. I gave her formula and she has been a spit-up fountain. The child simply has no more room in her tummy. I called the doctor’s office and the nurse there told me to switch her to a soy formula, and that no, in fact, I could not supplement Bridget with my own breast milk. Not an hour later, I got a call back from the lactation consultant, Judy. She agreed it was distressing that Bridget had not gained enough weight, but didn’t understand why I couldn’t use my own milk. She said she suspected from what she knows of our pediatrician, that if I had been able to ask him, he would have said that it was ok. She thinks the nurse there is old fashioned and that is why she tried to smack down my attempts to supplement with breast milk. Judy also thinks that the doctor isn’t all that concerned about her weight gain or lack thereof, or he would have insisted we go back every week for a weigh-in, when in fact, he told me to come back in six weeks.
Together we made the decision to have me supplement with any breast milk I have (she spit that up too) and to rent the hospital grade pump to get my supply up and also build up a supply in the freezer. She directed me to a colleague of hers who works out of her home very near me, to rent the pump, since Judy is very far from me. I called the other woman and made the appointment to get the pump for Saturday morning. When I met with her, she listed to the whole tale and she thinks I have no problem at all. She thinks that the doctor is focused on numbers and not looking that the whole picture. Bridget has met or exceeded her developmental milestones, she has good color, she’s a happy baby, and she is simply not hungry or she would eat more. But this lady is very very crunchy. And as Jake points out, she has never met me before and she has never laid eyes on Bridget, as I did not bring her with me to pick up the pump.
My mind is spinning. I don’t know who to listen to. I have tried to stuff this child and she spits everything back up. I haven’t given her any bottles since Friday, but I have been trying to be very diligent about nursing her on a schedule, not waiting for her to tell me she’s hungry. And yet she still spits it up.
I just don’t know what to do. I just don’t know. Part of me thinks that I should just let her go on as she’s going. She’s small, I know, but she is perfect in every other way. If there were some problem, wouldn’t there be other problems? But I am not the doctor. What do I know? Should I try the soy formula? But if she spits up the breast milk bottles, why wouldn’t she also spit up soy formula?
Ugh. I’m paralyzed. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be the mommy anymore.
Filed under Mommy Zombie |7 Responses to “Save the Drama for Your Mama”
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I think sometimes we hear so much static that we don’t listen to our own mommy instincts, assuming or thinking that these “professionals” know ALL the answers. You sound like you are VERY intune to your daughter and if she were still hungry she would most definitely be letting you know by the crying she would be doing! Some babies are just smaller that’s all. You can do this. You and Bridget will be just fine.
I agree with Natalie, and while I’m not crunchy and don’t really “know” you, I do agree with the crunchy lady on some level. Bridget seems very happy and healthy so you’re doing something right. If she’s meeting her milestones, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you’re doing an excellent job, because if you weren’t, you wouldn’t really care so much about any of this. But I definitely know that feeling of thinking you’re screwing your kid up royally. I feel like that at least once a day. Don’t beat yourself up too hard. And if you need someone to talk to, you can always shoot me an email.
I also think that if she were failing to thrive the doctor would have been more specific and serious with you about it. And would have required you to return more quickly than 6 weeks. Perhaps she has an intolerance to something in your milk and soy will work better for her? Maybe you should make another appointment with your pediatrician and let him know that he freaked you out. Skip telling his nurse. List off to him what you are trying, what your fears/concerns are and see if some clarification will help you. (These are just guesses).(At Sydney’s one year check up a (new) pediatrician told me that she was too small (she’s in the 25th percentile for height/weight and only 10th percentile for head size) and that I needed to feed her more fat. We’re working on it, but the kid has met all of her milestones thus far and is wearing 12-18 months clothes — she can’t be as small in real life as she appears on paper. )
When Donna and I went out to eat last week, she brought Bridgie. I gotta tell you - that baby was smarter and more alert than a good portion of the grow-ups there. I don’t have any practical advice to give - but I guess there are some situations in which you just have to go with what feels right. Or maybe you can contact another pediatrician? But to me - she’s happy, healthy, smart, alert, and beautiful. Maybe she’s just going to be on the small side for a while.
not that you need another person giving you different advice or recommendations, but i’ve heard that soy is to be a last resort… give Bridge a couple weeks on the formula… there will be spit-up… that’s a fact of formula-fed babies… her stomach is small right now, it needs time to stretch out to accomodate the weightier (and more of it) formula meal… also, not to piss you off, but every baby i’ve seen that came about through the IVF process was pretty small physically, and perfectly healthy that way :)don’t worry, babies are resilient and adaptable… in time it will work itself out
“also, not to piss you off, but every baby i’ve seen that came about through the IVF process was pretty small physically, and perfectly healthy that way”B, not entirely true. :o) Mini was actually measuring large for his gestational age, and continues to be pretty robust. And he’s an IVF baby. Not exactly tall, but then again, we’re not tall people. And honestly? I was a tiny kid, and I think tiny is pretty a-ok. Just think of how much more use you’re getting out of the baby clothes.
Mia at 22 months weighs just about exactly what she weighed at 8 months, and the pediatrician is not overly concerned. Do what feels right to you. If she is hungry, she will let you know and you will deal with it.