Help Wanted: Personal Punching Bag
When I decided I wanted to have a baby, I knew it would be hard. Emotionally and physically, I knew I’d be pushed to my limits. I’d have sleepless nights due to colic, teething, colds, bad dreams. I’d lie awake and worry about whether my kid was eating enough, whether he or she would become a good person or if we’d be visiting him or her in jail one day. But I didn’t know that I’d end up as a personal punching bag.
On any given day, I can find myself bitten, slapped, kicked and head-butted. All within the span of a few minutes even. Just now, Bridget slammed her head into my mouth, which she has done before a few times, but for some reason this time it hurt so much I actually cried. I’m surprised that she didn’t draw blood or break my braces wire or both. I literally saw stars, and thankfully was able to set her down safely before losing my shit. That was some of the worst pain I’ve ever felt and while, yes, I have given birth, I had the drugs, y’all.
I want to know why this isn’t a chapter in any of the pregnancy books? Why don’t they warn people to register for a hockey mask? Although I think if you grew up with your mom wearing a hockey mask, you’d probably not turn out to be a very well-adjusted human being. See above re: visiting child in jail.
Filed under Mommy Zombie |6 Responses to “Help Wanted: Personal Punching Bag”
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You don’t know how many times I thought about this just today!!! I swear I don’t know how many hits my nose can handle before it finally breaks.
I literally feel your pain… we went through this hideous head butting period for a few months… she got me so hard one time I also had tears rolling down my face and it was all I could do to get her off of me, walk out of the room, close the dutch door and utterly lose my S$*T. It hurt so bad she thought it totally hysterical as I am mopping up blood from my split lip and trying to say ‘gentle, gentle’.
It’s a tough age, because they just can’t be reasoned with and they only understand so much. And yeah, it’s hard not to lose your shit. The Mini has taken to biting and how the hell do you explain to an 11 month old that biting is just not acceptable?
After reading your post, I realized that Lance has stopped head butting, or at least it has been a while and I am so thankful. Head butting hurts especially when they get you in the mouth. Hang in there, it does go away, Lance was biting too, but now he just flings himself on the floor and only hurts himself and not me.
Oh, I’ve had a few doozies from heads, hands, little fists just waving around. Things settle down a bit as they get older. Ducking and weaving should get its own chapter in parenting books, I agree!
Good lord, truer words were never spoken. My daughter gave me a black eye (well, dark red) last month with an accidental head butt. Hurt like hell!