Stowaways
Apparently, no one gave my doctor the script for today. See, I was going to go in, she was going to give me a quick clinical grope and pronounce that my lump was nothing to worry about. And while she said her lines according to the script, her stage direction needed a bit of brushing up because she then sent me directly (do not pass go, do not collect $200) for a mammogram and an ultrasound “just to be sure.” She also turned my right boob into a treasure map, with x marking the spot, a little help for the radiology folks.
OK, I can handle this. I was able to get my mind around it on the way to the imaging place. How can anyone be sure that it’s all ok if you can’t see it? So no big deal. I went to this amazing place right by my house. It was so much better than a cold, clinical hospital. I remember the place I had my HSG done, at the hospital where I gave birth, and it was cold, scary and impersonal. This was the opposite. Everyone was so kind and sensitive. I had never had a mammogram before, obviously due to my age, so I was a bit nervous but it wasn’t bad at all. It was uncomfortable, but definitely no worse than an annual gyno exam or even a dental cleaning. So the mammogram was done and then I was taken into an ultrasound room where the doctor came to do my ultrasound. She was such a warm person, I can totally see why she felt the need to create this place.
She explained that either the lump was going to be fluid-filled or it would be solid. Fluid-filled was the best we could hope for, as that meant it was absolutely benign. Solid would be a bit more troublesome because, while chances were that it was perfectly benign, the possibility exists that it could be malignant. And with that, we got started.
Turns out I have two lumps, side by side, one smaller than the other. And they are both solid.
Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. That’s not what I wanted to hear.
I know that I have a 99% shot that these stowaways on the S.S. Mammary will be nothing of consequence. I know all about the many types of benign cysts that can live in women’s breasts. My mom had a fibroid cyst removed from her breast in 1987 and these things tend to run in families and can increase with caffeine consumption. I know all that. But see, there was this script. It was in my head. And in it, I got sent home from the Gyno with a pat on the head and praise for coming in right away, but a guarantee that I had nothing to worry about. Instead, I ended up with a mammogram and a week’s worth of worry before I can get in for a needle biopsy to make sure.
I’ll admit freely that I’m scared. I’m not scared of dying. That’s not on the radar screen. What I’m scared of is surgery, chemo and radiation. Sickness, weakness, losing my hair, losing my breasts, being thrown into early menopause, having Bridget witness all of it. Those things scare me to death. Those are the thoughts that will keep me awake for the next nine or ten nights until I get the word back from the pathology lab. I need distraction so these thoughts cannot overtake my life. I have a long time to wait and a little girl who needs me to care for her. I can’t curl up in a corner and cry.
As for the stowaways, I think they need names. So far all I’ve come up with is Dr. Evil and Mini-Me, but I’m not loving it. Anyone else have any suggestions?
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I hate it when the stage directions and script deviate from what I had in mind. Sorry you are having to wait for the needle biopsy and sorry you have to go through the worry of it all. Nasty little stow-a-ways…. and I know, you know, that the vast percentage of these things turn out to be nothing at all. Yet, I know its tough. I have had a few scares (DES daughter with a nasty tendency for weird cervical growths) and had to sweat through more than biopsy and waiting period. No way around it, that wait sucks. So, sorry you have to go through this- my thoughts are with you.
ugh… bummer about the cysts. Hopefully the time will pass quickly & you’ll get some good news. I don’t have any name suggestions… I’ll have to give it some thought!
I’m sorry you have to deal with all this. Waiting sucks ass. I will be thinking about you and sending positive vibes your way. Hmmm…I’ll have to give some thought to the names, but I’m sure we can come up with something fabulous.
ahh Donna, I’m sorry this is such a bummer. I found a huge lump in my right breast about a month ago…requiring ultrasound and visit to surgeon…it was solid too…but turned out to be nothing…I’m sending you similar luck.
I’ll try to think of some good names and I’ll be back if I come up with any (although brain function appears to be decreasing lately so don’t hold your breath).
Stay well, I’m thinking of you.
wn
How about The Skipper & Gilligan? One bigger than the other.
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. I’m certain it will all turn out to be nothing, but definitely not what you needed to deal with right now.
I’m sending good thoughts your way and while I’m driving my 180 miles today I’ll ponder some stowaway names.
Hugs to you!!!
I can completely understand; you go in thinking everything is okay and that you’re going to hear exactly that, and while what you hear isn’t the worst case scenario yet, it’s bad enough to really get you down. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You go find something to distract yourself with, I’ll keep hoping this week goes by quickly for you.
Hey there
Sorry to hear you didn’t get the news you wanted–waiting indeed sucks. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers that it turns out well.
As for names, how about Hillary and McCain? This way, when they both turn out to be inconsequential, it’ll be a good omen.
Hillary & Bill
I know what you mean about the cysts as my sister has one or two show up each year in her exam. So far, she’s been the only one, but with 5 girls in the family, it’s bound to happen to another of us.
Will this same clinic perform the biopsy? They sound like a great place already so it would be nice to continue there. I’ll be thinking of you and appreciating the fact that gave us all a lovey boob shot.
Ugh! Suckity suck suck. Sorry to hear about that, Donna. The extra stress is zero fun at all. I’ll be sending more healthy breast vibes your way. Waiting is the hardest part. I too will have to ponder some worthy names.
@Carolyn - Those names are hilarious! So then the real question is which one is the small one, which one the bigger one?
I’ll definitely keep you in my thoughts!
I need to see your doctor because three doctors have said I am too young to have any issues and they refuse to do anything other than an ultrasound. I beginning to wonder if it isn’t my insurance refusing to pay for it…
Wow, Donna, so intense! I hate that you have to wait for the results so scary. I am loving the boob shot..brave lady. I can’t think of anything clever for names for your stowaways. I will have to ponder a bit. You know it could be Mac and Cheese…but that is only because you gave me the best recipe ever.
I am sorry that you will have to go in for more tests and I hope that it will prove to be nothing. As for names, I am digging the hillary and bill idea.
I’m sending good thoughts and will continue to do so as long as you need them. (((HUGS)))
Dearest Donna, you are most definitely on my mind. I will send you and the boob good thoughts… especially since you provided a visual
I will be sending zaps of goodness where x marks the spot!
What surprising news.
I’m thinking of you and sending good thoughts.
Sending good energy your way. I hope it turns out to be nothing. Hang in there as you wait to find out.