Totzilla vs. Mommy Zombie

Everyone said it would happen. I just never thought it would happen to me. I have the sweetest child in the universe. Or she was, until she turned 19 months old.

Holy crap.

I don’t have the energy or writing skills to lay it all out in any sort of entertaining way. It’s just bad. Could be a combination of Jake having been out of town, moving to one nap per day, and just being a toddler. But the fits. Oh dear, the fits. I call them Screamers. The other night, she had two Screamers at bedtime - one right before the bath because I took the thermometer from her so she screamed through her entire bath, then a second one after she got calmed down because I read her the wrong book.

I know it’s her age most of all. She’s reaching a point where she understands more and recognizes her own wants and needs. But she lacks the ability to communicate them a lot of the time and other times she can communicate them, but she gets no say in what happens to her. That has got to be so frustrating. I try to sympathize and communicate clearly so she understands what is happening. It doesn’t always work, mind you, but it’s all I can think of to do.

All this I can handle. Believe it or not, the Screamers are easy enough for me to handle because they burn themselves out fairly quickly if you just ignore them and speak softly to her. (That trick really does work, by the way. Talk just above a whisper and eventually they have to shut up so they can hear you.)

What I can’t handle is the crying at bedtime. We were so lucky with Bridget and her sleeping. We got it under control within a day or two of moving her to her own room, never really had to let her Cry It Out, and always put her to bed when she was awake. She was a natural born self-soother. So I have no Cry It Out callous. These days, she cries every night when we put her to bed. Every.single.night. And I hate the idea of her crying herself to sleep. At the same time, I know that me going in there is not going to do her any good at all. It will only prolong the process and cut into her desperately needed sleep time. She really doesn’t cry for long, less than five minutes but it rips my heart out.

The other new development is her separation anxiety. We started her at Mother’s Day Out when she was 13 months old. She cried one time there, on her first day. And it was not when we left her - it was when they made her take a nap. And then every day after that, she never cried again. Even when her fingers got caught in the door. But twice this past week, when I dropped her off, she was clingy, asking to be picked up and crying for me when I left. It didn’t last long, I know for certain because I stepped to where she couldn’t see me, but I could hear and the crying stopped almost immediately. Wow, does that really sting, to hear your normally independent kid crying for you and to NOT go to her. Ouch. How about you give me a paper cut and pour a little lemon juice on it while we’re at it, huh?

I think that I’m going to go back to two naps a day on her non MDO days, because she does better all around when she has two naps. I may have rushed her into that for my own convenience. Jake’s home now and that’ll help a lot, I think. I also don’t think he has another long trip planned for a while. I know that she really did miss him, although now that he’s home, you’d never know it. She threw another fit tonight at bedtime because Jake put her to bed instead of me. She’ll be over that tomorrow, though, I’m sure.

However, I am really getting worried about leaving her for four nights when we go to Mexico. I feel sick to my stomach right now just thinking about it. I know she’ll be fine. I know she’ll go with the flow and be mostly very good for Jake’s mom. But I worry that my last picture of her will be of her crying for me and I’ll be expected to go sit on a beach and try to relax, when I’m worrying over how she’s dealing with life without us for five whole days. I can’t think about it anymore. Oh look, a puppy.

If you are keeping score, I think Totzilla is kicking Mommy Zombie’s ass right now. Hopefully I can come back in the sequel.

Filed under Mommy Zombie |