A Big Ol’ Steamin’ Bowl of Random

I have about a thousand and one ideas for blog posts floating around in my head. However, none of them are worthy of an entire post all their own so please enjoy the bullet points while I try to cobble something together for tomorrow.

• I got my car washed today for the first time since, oh about April. Yeah, I think it was April because I did it right before my surgery, since I knew we’d be taking a road trip that weekend. I forget how pretty my car is when it’s all clean. When I left the gym today, I actually panicked for a second because I couldn’t find my car. Then I realized that I just didn’t recognize it - my car is not actually gray after all, it just looks that way when it’s dirty.
• I’m not sure if I blogged this before or if I just Twittered it but I’ve long suspected that Trainer Dave shaves his arms and legs. I did a few sly inspections for stubble and saw none and just thought, “wow maybe he’s just naturally hairless.” But no, it’s confirmed. Today there was distinct stubble on his forearms. Why, Trainer Dave, why? I get why swimmers shave their body hair, and maybe even cyclists. But the average gym rat does not need to lose the hair for speed. Ick. Then I started to wonder what his fiancee thinks about the whole thing and if they share a razor. Double ick.
• I have yet another fucking yeast infection. I’m sorry to any men out there reading this. But damn. I’m so sick of this. I know that it’s because I had to take antibiotics for the huge gaping wound from my mole removal. There are few minor feminine problems that are more awful than a yeast infection. Obviously it’s not as bad as say, cancer. But my breast surgery was far less uncomfortable than this and that came with Xanax. And apparently I am prone to them because I rarely get just one. I get them over and over and over. Then it’ll go away and I’ll go years without one at all. My doctor has told me that I need to just make douching with vinegar and water a regular part of my routine, as in, do it a couple times a week. I also read online that some women use boric acid, making capsules out of it, placing them up the va-jay-jay. I’m not sure I can put roach poison up my hoo-ha, but I’m also not ruling it out if the prescription and the vinegar don’t work.
• I have a scribbled note to myself about a blog post idea that could either be “condom” or “condiment.” Since I have no way of knowing which it is, I’ll just talk about both. Even though we are married and healthy and not trying to prevent pregnancy, we’ve been on the condom bandwagon for a while. That’s because of my above mentioned battle with Canidida albicans. In an effort to rule out the possibility of passing this back and forth to each other, we’ve decided to use condoms until I am all clear again. And it sucks. I hate them. Just to go on the record with that. I know you all wanted my opinion. Not that we are having sex while I’m in the midst of an infection because OUCH! But in between. I won’t feel good about giving them up until I have gone two straight months without any symptoms. And yes, I’ve been to the doctor for a battery of tests.  I’m not diabetic or HIV positive and this is not chlamydia or any other STD. It’s nothing other than a stubborn cooter. (How many different euphimisms for “vagina” can I use in one blog post?)
• As for condiments, I cannot be sure what I wanted to say really. I recently decided that the only use in the world for ketchup is on french fries. I refuse to eat it on anything else. I spent most of my life thinking I hated mustard, when in fact I just hate yellow mustard. I like the spicy brown kind of mustard. If you live near a Potbelly Sandwich Works, you should try theirs. YUMMY. I crave their mustard. Mayonnaise has its place in the world but to me that’s really just in salads. In general, I don’t put mayo on a sandwich with one exception - a BLT. That sucker MUST have mayo. And it must be Hellman’s (or Best Foods depending on where you live in the country). Great, now I want a BLT.  I think that Kraft mayo and Miracle Whip are disgusting and you will never ever find either in my kitchen. Relish is the spawn of the devil and I don’t understand why anyone eats it. In fact, relish is the reason I don’t eat tuna, chicken or potato salads out or at other people’s houses. Because most of the world puts relish in these things and most of the world is wrong. I only eat my mom’s potato salad recipe, which I am learning to make almost as well as she does, and nary of a speck of the evil relish can be found in it.  I am on the fence about barbecue sauce. I am not a fan of most bottled kinds but I like it at barbecue restaurants. I think I’m all out of condiments to discuss now.
• The working out is going very well. My stomach is far far flatter than it used to be, in just a little over one month’s time. But I’m not really seeing a significant drop in my weight. I know that muscle weighs more than fat and that by building muscle I will speed up my metabolism, which will make me burn more calories even at rest. But I had hoped to see a poundage drop. My current pants are too big but a size down in pants is too small. That’s annoying. However, I bought a skirt last week in a size I have not worn since we lived in New York and the size of my wedding dress. Granted, I always wear a smaller size in skirts than I do in pants, and this does not mean that I could fit into my wedding dress today, but it was a minor victory. I also know that if I really were to be motivated I’d be a calorie counter, but I just can’t do it. I’m Italian. We eat and talk with our hands. If you take food away from me, I’d lose my identity. I do try to plan my food better and make smarter choices about food and portion sizes, but no matter what Trainer Dave says, I will not be writing down my calories. I work out so that I can continue to eat most of the things I like. In moderation. I don’t do well with deprivation and I will never consider any food off limits. Except liver. That’s always off limits but more for the gag factor than anything else.

And that concludes our random bullet list for today. Tune in tomorrow when there might be a cohesive post. Or not.

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