More Bridget-isms and Why I Love Our Dog

I forgot to include this on the last post about Bridget.

Today we were all playing in the living room. I love how our “formal” living room has become a play room. Oh well, I’m just glad we have a whole room to use as a toy repository. Not like we would ever have used a formal living room. Anyhoooooo…. playing in the formal living room, and Bridget, in a fit of toddler rage, threw a toy and it hit Robbie right on the snout.

Now, the reason I love my dog is that he did absolutely nothing, other than stand up and look at me like “What the hell did I do?” Bridget got separated from the playing for a few minutes while we petted Robbie and told him what a good boy he is.

When Bridget came back in, she wanted to pet Robbie, and, good boy that he is, he rolled over on his back. And then Bridget pointed at his boy bits and said, “Robbie junk.”  I know I mentioned it before that she noticed Jake’s stuff and called it his junk. I guess I should explain how that came about. We often bring Bridget to bed with us on weekend mornings after she’s been changed, just to hang out and play. And in the course of the playing, she often crawls all over Jake, and he has said a few times “oh, watch out for my junk!” but the said “junk” is always covered by sheets. So it was curious how when she saw him get out of the shower, she knew that was the junk she should be watching out for. Anway, if you are male and you come to our house, watch out because Bridget might just point out your junk.

When Will a Trip to the Vet Stop Making Me Cry?

Today I had to take Robbie to the vet for his annual check-up and vaccinations. I haven’t been back to the vet since we had Lucy put down in December. When I called to make the appointment I was given the choice between the two vets at the clinic and instinctively I picked Dr. Chase, since he was the one who worked so long and hard with me about Lucy. He was the one who was with me.

I didn’t think too much about it until I walked into the clinic. God, it was so hard. So many memories of that day, of those two days spent worrying about her before having to make that final trip with her. Dr. Chase was great, though, in fact they were about to take me and Robbie into the same room where we were with Lucy and he quickly steered us to another room.

It’s amazing how it has really only been three months since we lost her and sometimes it’s as though we never had another dog. I haven’t thought about her in a while actually but today was really hard. This weekend Robbie will be going to Tailwaggers for the first time without Lucy. I’m not sure how I will deal with it when the van pulls up and only Robbie gets on.

Harmony

Interspecies Peace Talks Successful, Film at 11…..

Getting On With Life

Thank you all so much for your kind comments. It means a lot to have your support.  While I’m still very sad, it’s already getting easier. The fact that I can so readily recognize ways in which my life will be easier now that Lucy is gone does make me feel very guilty. But it’s simply the truth. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss her or that I don’t wish for the old Lucy back.

My parents were very kind to offer to take Robbie for us when we go away for Christmas. I was worried about him going off to board alone, as he’s only ever been there with Lucy. He will go back there for boarding but I think this may just be a bit too soon for him. I called yesterday to cancel the reservation so that someone on the waiting list could have their spot as soon as possible. The lady at Tailwaggers that I talked to was so sweet. She knew Lucy and seemed genuinely sad to hear that she had died. So Robbie will have some good one-on-one attention from my parents while we are away, which I know he needs. We’ve been trying to do that and I even bought him some pig’s ears yesterday, a treat he never got to enjoy since Lucy had such a sensitive stomach.

I need to find something to do with her crate. I need to get it out of the house because it makes me sad. I know there are dog rescue organizations I can donate it to, I just need to find one and get it there.

In other news, Karin and I ran our second 5K yesterday. I sucked hard and dragged her down with me but my head was not in it. Karin has already signed up for another one in January and I might join her. But this time I’ll make her swear to not stick with me and to go ahead and go faster if she wants. She’s got a quicker pace and better endurance than I do so I think I weigh her down. But it’s fun to have someone to go with even if we don’t end up running and finishing together.

We also had my parents over for dinner last night so we could be Christmas-y with them. We ate way too much but it was so good.

I think we are done with Christmas shopping but I’m still stumped  about the teachers at Bridget’s Mother’s Day Out. I should have planned better and started her in January, but alas I’m on the hook for gifts this year. The teachers each have a wish list for the classroom - things like batteries for the toys and swings, and paper towels. I’ve bought some things for that. But do I also need to give a personal gift to them? I don’t want to do the wrong thing and either not give something personal to both of them, or to go overboard and look like a suck-up. Man, I thought I’d have more time in my life to figure such things out. Any advice?

This time next week, we’ll be off to enjoy Christmas in Oklahoma. I sure hope everyone gets their power back soon. I had no idea the damage from the ice storm was so extensive. It’ll be sad to see. I’m just glad that all of our family is safe. Some are without power but they are safe.

And now I am off to get Bridget up and fed. She’s sleeping in apparently. A visit with Grandma and Grandpa really wears a girl out!

Farewell, Lucy

It’s done. She’s gone.

Shortly before we left the house, I gave her a can of tuna, a special treat, and she ate it. I chose to be in the room with her when she was put to sleep. I don’t know exactly why that was so important to me but I felt like I owed it to her to not let her go alone, with only strangers. I stood by her head, rubbing her ears the way she always liked and telling her over and over again how much I loved her and that we would miss her, and that she was a good dog. They tell you that it’s quick and painless and it is. She did literally just go to sleep. Within less than a minute the vet let me know that her heart had stopped.

I know that putting her down was the right thing to do. I’m not sure that being in the room with her was the sane choice for me because all I can picture now is her lying on the table, still warm to the touch but gone. I guess it’s better that I did get to see her go, that I know without a shadow of doubt that her death was quick, dignified and painless.

I feel a healthy measure of guilt because we have been debating for a while now what to do with her. She was causing a lot of stress and difficulty in the house. She couldn’t be trusted around Bridget. She snarled. She actually bit me twice in the past few months, a fact I hid even from Jake until yesterday because I knew he’d want me to get her out of the house. Now I know that part of it (not all, but part) was because she was actually ill. I feel guilty for all the yelling at her I’ve done in the past year. I feel like in some ways I wished for this. I didn’t really. I just needed a relief from the stress she was causing. I have to put my human family first. But now that I have it, now that there is no barking coming from the top of the stairs, I almost don’t know what to do with myself.

For all her faults, she was my constant companion for ten years. She was my friend, my protector and my warm body to snuggle with on the many lonely nights I spent in between a very bad breakup and when I met Jake two years later. She came with us to New York, where her presence let me feel safe when I was home by myself.

Wherever you are in the universe, Mrs. Ricardo, you’ll be missed.

Awful

That’s just how I feel right now. Awful.

In about an hour, we have to have Lucy put to sleep.

She’s not well. She stopped eating earlier this week. I took her to the vet, who did blood work and determined that she is starting liver failure and/or has a tumor somewhere near or on her liver. She also is anemic. She is eleven years old and he doesn’t feel we have much chance of improving her quality of life. So this is what he recommends and what we need to do.

I don’t know what to do. I feel almost all cried out over it. I’ve never had to do this. I’ve never lost a pet at all, and certainly never had to make the call to end one’s life. I know it’s the right thing to do and I know she knows I love her.

I just don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next hour.

A World Without Pets

Last week since we had so much going on, namely business trips for both Jake and me, plus company coming and a party where there was going to be at least six kids, we decided to board the dogs. It wasn’t fair to them to keep them locked in their crates all the time and the noise and such would stress them out. So we sent them to their favorite boarding place, which they love so much they never seem to want to come home when we go to get them.

They were gone for almost a week. And we grew to love not having them here.

I hate myself for saying that. I love my dogs, I really do. But they are a source of great stress in our household. They bark, puke, shed and are starved for attention. I don’t see that they are terribly happy here. I think a home could be found for Robbie since he’s so young and affable and just a generally good dog. But Lucy is old, cantankerous, incontinent, and more than a little crazy.

Thinking about them not being here also really upsets me. I just want everyone to be happy and I don’t know what to do. Jake is pressuring me to reduce. I know in my head it’s probably the right thing to do. But I am not the sort to get rid of a pet, and I’ve already had to get rid of one cat earlier this year. When you adopt a pet, you make a commitment to it. Circumstances have to be extreme for it to be ok to get rid of the pet. And I’d have to find the perfect arrangement for them, which I don’t think exists.

I wish I just had more time and energy. More time and energy to spend petting and playing and walking them. But with a house, a baby, a job and a husband who is gone an awful lot, that just doesn’t work out. I have no desire to try to wrangle these two dogs on leashes while pushing a stroller. They aren’t good on leash. I can handle both of them by myself but not with the stroller.

I feel like if we can just get through the next little bit, it’ll be ok. I know that when Bridget is older, she couldn’t ask for a better playmate than Robbie. He already loves her madly and would sleep in her room if we let him. And Lucy may not be around that much longer, simply because she is getting up there in years. But can we wait that long?

Making Me Proud

Tonight I got a wild hair and decided that I would take the dogs for a walk. I know! We haven’t done a lot of walks with them because they are so bad on a leash. Well, Lucy is bad on a leash and I can’t just take Robby without taking Lucy.

But I’ve been getting more and more worried about Lucy and her acting out. I know that it’s partly due to her age (she’s just getting grumpy as she gets older) and she is severely lacking for attention.  So what better way to give them some attention and tire the hell out of them than a good long twilight walk around the neighborhood.

And they were so good! I could not believe how good they were. No pulling (well a little pulling but nothing horrible like they used to), no barking at any other people or dogs…. it was amazing.  In fact, they pooped out before I did. I thought I’d incorporate a little run the last block or so home, and they couldn’t do it! I almost tripped over them because they were so slow. It’s a sad state of affairs when my jiggly behind can run more than two able-bodied dogs.  Maybe they’ll do better the more we do it.

The Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue

Sigh…. it’s been a rough couple of days. I don’t have a coherent post, just a litany of complaints.

In the last week, we have spent about $10,000 on the house. I knew we had two big ticket items to replace - the heating and air system and the carpet. I knew we could pay cash for one and would probably need to finance the other, but I didn’t know which was which because the estimates didn’t come at the same time. So we actually financed them both and I’ll be paying off one right away. But that does put a big crimp in our Caribbean vacation plans. I’m going to wait to see how it shakes out to see if we are going anywhere at all. We could still do a domestic beach vacation but I think Jake has his heart set on the Caribbean. He works so hard, I really want him to have the vacation he wants, but it just might not be doable this year. At least not exactly how he wants it.

In the quest to afford the Caribbean vacation and avoid finance charges for the aforementioned heating and air system and carpet, I have been working a lot, pretty much accepting any work they want to throw my way. Did I mention that I got promoted to project team leader on one project? I think I mentioned that I was offered the promotion, but I did eventually accept it. But I am pretty much the only one on my team who works on weekends, so I’ve been the ONLY one working weekends for a while now. And I have just agreed to be team leader on another project, which will be solely mine for the first week or so after it launches. The work is not hard and I am lucky to be able to do it and still pay attention to Bridget, but it does clog up the brain sometimes.

I’m still missing Neo. I had a dream about him last night. He was crying at the back door to be let in. Not too hard to decipher that one. I guess the hardest part for me is not knowing he’s ok. I hope that he got placed in a foster home right away, or maybe even adopted that day. But it’s possible that he is one of the cats that has to stay at Petsmart all week and that thought breaks my heart. So I have to try not to think about it. I am going to make a donation to the agency that took him back from us. I meant to do it on Saturday but things got confused and I was a blubbering mess and I forgot. I think the pets are a bit confused about where he went but seem to be adapting alright.

Sunday Jake and I went to see Spiderman 3. It was ….. eh. Fun I guess, but I thought the dialogue was very cheesy and villains were just too many. I think there should be a new rule in movies. ONE sequel maximum. I honestly can’t think of any part three that has been very good. But it was still fun to be out with Jake like real people.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with an orthodontist. Fun, huh? My dentist has been after me for ten years to go, saying that if I didn’t get some work done, my jaw would really bother me later in life. Of course he also said he’d like to see my jaw broken and reset so it would be perfect. I pretty much said he could piss off with the idea of breaking and resetting my jaw, and I tossed the idea of orthodontia as well. But lately I can feel my teeth shifting and it hurts. They don’t line up like they used to and I often wake up with a sore mouth. So I’m going tomorrow for a consultation to see what I need and how much it will cost and how long it would take. Ugh. Just what I wanted - braces at age 33. But I would like to get it taken care of, so I’ll suck it up. Although seriously if I had my jaw broken and reset, I bet I’d lose a ton of weight. Hmmmm…. something to consider.

Did I mention my visit to the vag doctor today? Well, I won’t go into details there, but being kept waiting there for an hour really made me just a ray of merry fucking sunshine.

But on the bright side of things, we have an efficiently running HVAC system now, which will hopefully mean the end of $500 electric bills in the summer (Gotta love summer in Texas!) The house is much more peaceful with Neo gone (as much as it pains me to admit that). Soon we’ll have new fresh carpet for Bridget to learn to crawl on (which scares me to even imagine).

It’s all about the looking on the bright side, I suppose.

Heartbroken

Today we surrendered Neo to the adoption organization where we got him three years ago. It was a gut-wrenching day, and I can’t seem to stop crying. I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do, both for him, hoping he’ll get a new home where he can receive all the attention he wants and needs, and for us, we won’t have to spend so much time angry at him for acting out or worried about what he’s destroyed this time.

I didn’t even get a chance to say a proper goodbye to him. I’m not sure if that would have made me feel better or worse. But right now I just feel like complete and utter shit.