Two Things

First, after much stressing, teeth-gnashing and crying, I have decided to switch from Bloglines to Goo.gle reader. Now, the thing that made me do this is that two of my very favorite blogs were not getting the feeds into Bloglines and to quote my husband’s man-crush, Barack Obama, that just won’t do. I honestly had never had a lick of trouble with Bloglines before this, but apparently everyone out there thinks it sucks. See how I love you Beth and Chris?

Um, that just sounded creepy. Sorry about that.

Secondly, going through and moving all my feeds made me do a bit of house cleaning in the blog department. So tell me, at what point do you break up with someone’s blog? In my case, there are a couple blogs I found and have been commenting on for a while now and never once have I gotten a response to my comments or a return visit to my site. I think that’s a bit rude, personally. I try to always reply to new commenters via email if I can (if they’ve left me an email address) and I ALWAYS go visit their site and leave a comment, even if only once, just to say “hi thanks for stopping by!” I mean, these aren’t blogs with massive amounts of traffic so it’s not like it would be that hard. Maybe they don’t really want traffic from others besides people they know, and that’s fine I guess. Or maybe they don’t view the back and forth as part of the fun blog process. In any event, they are out of there. See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!

Maybe it’s things like that last line that make people not respond to my comments. No, surely not.

The Bad Etiquette Just Keeps on Comin’

You remember the baby shower I went to a week and a half ago? Where the hostess made us address our own thank you notes?

Just wanted to point out that as of yet, I have not received my self-addressed thank you note.

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Come Sit by Me

OK, OK, I know, I am a stickler for etiquette and not everyone else in the world is. I don’t think it makes me a snob because etiquette is not about snobbery. Etiquette is the absolute opposite of snobbery. It’s about doing the right thing so that others feel comfortable. And that’s why I just have to vent about this baby shower I attended last night.

I think I started off grumpy about it because it was at 5:30 p.m. Not exactly a good time on a Saturday for a baby shower. It had been moved because the guest of honor’s childbirth class had been moved and so it couldn’t be helped. But holding an event at that time of day impedes on the dinner hour for most people as well as other obligations. For instance for me, it put me out of the house at Bridget’s dinner/bath/bed time. Not a huge deal but I find I don’t feel like my night is right when I haven’t been there for bath and bed. Even if Jake is the one doing bath and/or bed, I like to be there to kiss my girl goodnight.  However, as I said, it couldn’t be helped so I went off with high hopes of a fun baby shower.

My main complaint is that no one was introduced. The person who answered the door didn’t introduce herself, even after I said, “Hi, I’m Donna,” she simply welcomed me and ushered me in. I had no idea which of the two hostesses this was and only by looking at pictures on the wall did I figure out that she was the one who lived in this house. The guest of honor also didn’t introduce anyone to anyone else, so it was quite awkward. It was obvious that most of the guests were old friends and siblings and mother/daughter and no thought was given to the fact that some of the guest of honor’s co-workers and friends from other areas of her life were there.  I was able to ascertain the names of the other guests only as the presents were being opened.  Even the guest of honor’s mother and mother-in-law were just sort of there. If I hadn’t recognized each of them from her wedding, I wouldn’t have known who they were so I could greet them accordingly.

The other big issue I had was the “please address your own thank you note.” I think you all know how I feel about that. BIG FAT NO-NO!!!!!  (This is second only to having showers for a second baby/wedding in the list of shower etiquette no-nos.) If I have gone to the trouble of buying you a gift, wrapping that gift, lugging that gift and attending your shower, the least you can do is write the addresses on the thank you note yourself.  I know she’s pregnant but it is not that taxing to sit on your couch and write your thank you notes while you watch TV. I don’t blame the guest of honor here, it was the hostess who had this bright idea. But please, for the love of all that is good and right in the world, hostesses take heed. Please do not ask your guests to address their own thank you note. It is rude. If you want to help out your guest of honor, print off a list of all the attendees with their addresses and use that list to write down the gifts. That way she has the list and the addresses all together and the items given by each person.

Anyway, the main vibe in the room is that if you weren’t one of the members of this already close-knit group, you were an outsider. No one was rude, but no effort was made to draw any of us into conversation or really to acknowledge that we were there at all. Luckily, I had two other friends there (we used to co-workers of the guest of honor) so I wasn’t hanging out with no one to talk to.

Is it really that hard to be a good hostess? I didn’t think any of the things you do to be a good hostess are really things you need to think about. It’s just a matter of considering how you would feel as a guest in someone’s home, and around people whom you have never met. And there is nothing snobbish about that.

Would You Want to Know?

I just got an email from a friend of mine who lives in Denver. His wife had a baby girl last night and the email was the quick tired dad email from the hospital. He attached a few pictures for our enjoyment.

Sadly his exhaustion prevented him from looking closely at the pictures he was taking and emailing, because in one of them, the foreground of the picture is the baby, but very clearly in the background his his wife, legs up in the stirrups, bush bared to all the world, while the doctor (ahem) attends to her injuries. I showed Jake the picture and his first response was “Well, at least we know she’s a natural redhead.”

The really sad part of this is that they are both such proper people and I know they are going to be mortified when they get home and upload all the five billion pictures they will undoubtedly snap before leaving the hospital and see what went out to all of their friends and possibly co-workers. I feel like I should mention something so he doesn’t continue to send that picture out, or at least crops it, but who wants to be the bearer of that news? Whatcha think? Should I tell him?

Here We Go….

Today in the mail, Bridget received her first party invitation. Oy. The invitation was sent by a woman I know whose daughter is turning three. I used to be her boss at a past job and while the whole group has remained in touch and friendly, she and I aren’t really that close. Honestly, if she weren’t part of this group, I don’t think we’d bother to see each other ever again. She’s very nice but we just never had the bond that I have with a one or two of the other group.

First, let me say that I do not believe in birthday parties for children who are too young to have friends. It’s one thing to get together at the house with the family to watch a baby bury their face in some cake. Spending scads of money on an event at a place like Chuck E Cheese’s and the like for a three year old just baffles me. Why spend the money and the effort to plan an elaborate party for a child who is not going to remember it? Do you remember your third birthday? Well, I do, but I am a freak - most people don’t remember back that far. Save the effort for when they can anticipate and get excited about it, and actually have memories of the party, not to mention have some input on which children attend. I know that I am decidedly UNsentimental about such things. We didn’t buy Bridget any Christmas presents last year and honestly aren’t sure if we will this year either. As I think about her first birthday coming in a few months, I honestly don’t see any more fanfare than what I just mentioned. The family. A cake. Then a bath. But again, I don’t tend to be sentimental about these things. I go overboard on the sentimentality of many many things, but just not this particular thing.

All that aside, the other thing that has me scratching my head is why Bridget was sent an invitation to this event. She is five months old. She has never even laid eyes on the birthday girl, and if she had, would have been completely unaware of it. Bridget has only been around the mother one time for about an hour. Is that how it works? Your child has a birthday so you invite every single person you know who also has children? I don’t know, there is something about this that really bugs me. It’s like in this case it’s about showing off. Look at the party I’m throwing for my child. Look how much money I am spending. It’s not just this person either. I have a handful of friends with small children (toddler age) who have parties for them at Build-a-Bear and other similar “experience” places or rent bounce houses and have pony rides. These are kids who don’t even attend school yet. Who can they know to invite?

I am convinced that Bridget is going to spend a good deal of her childhood hating us because we refuse to be sucked into this type of thing. This sort of showing off just doesn’t sit well with me, and I am sure that there will be many eye rolls and refrains of “Mom you just don’t understand!”

I know, I know. Welcome to parenthood.

Another Etiquette Nightmare

I have this coworker. Well, really I have a lot of coworkers, but my problem today revolves around just this one. She’s a snorter. She apparently has not been shown by her parents how to use a kleenex. Instead, when she feels the need, she just snorts really loudly and sucks it all back up into her head and down her throat. DISGUSTING! And it is driving me fucking nuts. Seriously, do people not realize that making that noise is one of the most disgusting things you can do in public? I once had to get up in the middle of the final exam in my college Finance class and move to the other side of the room because I was seated next to a snorter. Every time I hear that noise, I want to gag.

I honestly think that she was not shown good manners growing up because I have been out to lunch with her a couple of times since she started working here, and her table manners leave a bit to be desired as well. She’s fairly young, so I honestly think there could be hope for her to adopt good manners if someone were to show them to her. But I doubt that it is my place to be that someone. How do you tell someone that they are disgusting people around them with their bad manners? You just can’t do that nicely.

I’m considering getting here really early on Monday and anonymously leaving a box of kleenex on her desk with a printed note explaining what they are for.

Thank god I am leaving in not too long for my bi-weekly doctor visit.

Appalled

I just read a Miss Manners column that made me want to scream. A reader had recently been to a wedding where the couple had stated on the back of their program that in lieu of sending guests a thank you note, they were going to take the money and donate it to a charity. I’m sorry but I find that insulting. If I had been a guest at that wedding, I would have retrieved my gift and taken it home with me. I’m curious how the couple will determine the dollar value of their thank you notes, and if the money will ever actually make it any sort of charity.

Plain and simple, when someone gives you a gift, you should write a thank you note. Now, I’m not saying I am perfect. In fact, I can think of three gifts I have gotten this summer for which I did not send an acceptable thank you note. I did acknowledge the receipt of the gift and offered verbal thanks, so at least the givers were not left wondering if I had even received the gifts. But I am pregnant and absent-minded, and still vow to get those three notes in the mail any day now. I will rectify the situation.

I also want to state for the record that this new-fangled idea of having guests at a shower address their own envelopes for thank you notes is completely unacceptable. Completely. If a friend or relative has taken the time to shop for a gift for you, wrap the gift for you, and attend your shower or wedding, the very least you can do is write a personal note of thanks, and that includes addressing the damn thing yourself.

A handy tip, though, that a shower hostess might want to use to assist the guest of honor, is to compile an address list of all the shower invitees for her. On this sheet, the person writing down the gifts can just put the gift given next to the appropriate name and address. This way, the guest of honor, when writing her notes, has one sheet to work from and won’t have to worry about the cards having been separated from the gifts, and trying to match them up later. In fact, the guest of honor probably has provided this already, so it’s just a matter of printing off a fresh copy with room next to each name to write the items given.

There you have it, your daily dose of etiquette.

Sign of the Times

I just got a birthday party invitation via text message.

I know I’ve said before that I refuse to acknowlege the existence of evites, but that’s not strictly true. For casual events, I think an evite is just fine. But for a real party, holiday, shower, birthday and such, I think a real invitation should be sent. I know I’m old fashioned and perhaps you think I’m a bit snobby, but a real paper invitation, sent by regular mail is often a reminder of the event. You can stick it up on the fridge and see it every time you go get a drink or a snack. Plus it sticks out in your mind, because these days, how much mail do you get that isn’t junk? A card or a letter or an invitation is something that someone remembers getting. It makes them smile. Isn’t that a nice way to start off your party, by making your guests smile?

And of course I have to wonder, how long it took the husband of my friend to send this text message? Because I? Am lousy at “texting.” It takes too long. I can type just fine on a real keyboard but using the keys of your phone to type anything longer than “Call me!” or “I love you!” just is beyond my interest. So I guess you could say he must have put a bit of effort into the invitation, what with swiping her phone to get the numbers and spending probably 30 minutes sending the message. And I am not likely to forget the party I got texted to.

Shower Preparations

I have decided that the only way to successfully plan a party is to take the day off before the party. Yesterday I was so productive! You might want to prop your feet up on a pillow before you read this.

I went to the grocery store and Target. I came home to unload groceries just as the housekeeper arrived to check out the broken shower head and to give us a free “reclean” to make up for last week’s debacle. I ran out to grab lunch and pick up the hummus and pita from Cafe Izmir that Robyn and I love so much. Then it was on to Stein’s bakery for the petit fours, also known in some circles as bootie cakes because you can get them iced with the most adorable little booties in any color you want. I got half booties and half rattles this time both in yellow. I got home around 3 or so, and made oatmeal raisin cookies (and by that I mean I baked some frozen dough I had been holding on to for a while) while cooking chicken for the chicken chile cheese ball I was going to make. I did about 96 sinkfuls of dishes. Jake got home and I made some dinner (again cheating by heating up a Stouffer’s lasagne). I put together my chicken chile cheese balls - I made two because I wasn’t sure one would be enough. Then I made the fresh ranch dip for veggies - I don’t understand pre-made ranch dip because the fresh is so easy to make and tastes about a million times better. We ate dinner, then I sent Jake out for the frozen spinach I had forgotten. Spinach is a key ingredient in spinach dip, FYI. I made brownies, then the spinach dip and we watched a movie. Damn, I am tired from just reading all that. It’s no wonder my feet looked like pillows with toes last night, or that I fell asleep and didn’t see the end of the movie.

So for the record, I am serving today: pita and hummus, olive cheese puffs (made those Thursday night and froze them for heating today), spinach dip, chicken chile cheese ball, ranch and veggies (boring but always a hit for picky eaters), a cheese tray (gouda, pepper jack and sharp cheddar), a dessert tray with brownies, oatmeal raisin cookies and strawberries, and then of course the bootie cakes. Oh and punch of course in the punch bowl I was so excited to buy last year. I thought about making the old standby punch of sherbet and Sprite, but it’s so sweet and I always wind up needing a drink of water after that punch. This punch is cranberry, pineapple, orange juices, plus ginger ale. I’ve never made it before but it looks really good. Oh, and I’m also making lemon/lime water for the non-punch drinkers. I think it just looks so pretty and I’ve been looking for an opportunity to make it.

Today I have to run out for some decorations (pregnancy brain caused me to completely forget that I might want to actually decorate for the shower) and maybe some flowers for the table, and then just do final prepartions. I’ve never been this together for an event. Taking that day off has really made all the difference. I’m not sure how this would have gotten done had I worked all day yesterday. Or truth be told, if I had had to clean the house myself. So the real trick is take the day off and hire a housekeeper.

In case you were wondering about my lack of RSVPs, I spoke to the guest of honor on Wednesday night. I wasn’t going to say anything about the issue but she asked me. She said she’d get me a headcount, because a lot of her coworkers had told her they would be there. As of yesterday morning, I had no headcount, so I just had to assume that all twenty people on the list were going to be there. Yesterday afternoon, I got her headcount via email. Guess how many? Go ahead, guess. Eight. Now, I have no way of knowing if that includes the two that had actually called me to RSVP or not, or if it includes the lady that called last night to RSVP for herself and another guest.

So if you find yourself in the Dallas area, and have a hankering for shower food tonight, feel free to drop by. I’m sure I’ll have enough left over to feed your entire family and mine.

Who Invited These Tacky People?

Here you go, another etiquette lesson from me.

When you receive an invitation, and the invitation requests a reply (hint, that’s what RSVP and the phone number mean, or the little reply card in a wedding invitation) FUCKING RSVP!!! I am throwing a shower this weekend for a friend and of the twenty guests she asked me to invite, guess how many RSVPs I have gotten? One. One RSVP. And of course it was from the oldest woman on the guest list, because apparently our grandparents are the last generation that learned manners.

I am drawing the line in the sand right here and now. I will NEVER throw another shower again. Nope, not ever. I think I am safe in saying that because my shower giving opportunities are mostly done. Most everyone I know who is interested in getting married or having babies has already had one marriage or baby, and we all know (or should know) that you don’t get a shower for a second marriage or a second baby.

OK, I will probably end up throwing another shower at some point. I honestly like doing it, I think they are fun and handled correctly, are enjoyable to the attendees and the guest of honor. But I am so sick of people not realizing that they have a responsibility when they receive an invitation. The hostess is waiting to find out how many people will be there. It’s honestly not that hard. Here. I’ll show you.

Step 1. Receive invitation in the mail. (I refuse to acknowledge the existence of evites).

Step 2. Decide if there is desire and ability to attend the specified event.

Step 3. Fill out and mail back reply card, or telephone hostess with your reply.

See, it’s done in a matter of moments. Maybe a bit more in the case of a wedding or an out of town event but still there is no reason an RSVP can’t be given within the requested timeframe.

Will my friend have only one guest on Saturday? That would probably break her heart. I suppose I need to plan for the full guest list to attend when I figure out how much food to make. If only one person shows up, well I guess we’ll be eating appetizers for days afterwards. I hope Jake likes hummus and pita and olive cheese puffs.

I honestly think etiquette and manners should be taught in the public schools.