A Halloween Scare

Here’s a scary picture for you:

The look on my face is not annoyance at the baby, more of a “What the fuck are you doing in there, kid???” Sometimes I just can’t figure out how he still has any room to move around at all. And yes, I am huge. But my belly button hasn’t popped out yet! It’s absolutely flush with my belly, but it’s not protruding. I am clinging tightly to hope that it won’t.

Have I mentioned, I know I’m huge? They tell me this kid will gain another pound a week, but I just don’t see how it’s possible.

Weekend and Belly Humor

The weekend has seemed to be ripe with people who annoy me and opportunities to annoy them right back. I didn’t take any of the opportunities, but with only four weeks to go and a belly that is only going to get larger, I might have to start.

Saturday at a computer store, some woman (an employee)was smiling goofily at me and called literally across the store, “When is your baby due?” I wanted to look at her blankly and say, “What baby?”

Same store, another employee. “Do you know what you’re having?” This one is my favorite and pretty soon I won’t be able to resist the urge to reply, “I’m hoping for puppies, but my husband really wants kittens.”

Today, we pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, and parked in the spot right in front of us was an El Camino with two teenagers inside making out like their pants were on fire. Maybe they were. But I really wanted to go knock on the window, point at my belly, and say to them, “Be careful! You don’t want to end up like me! I got knocked up in an El Camino too!”

So far, the weekend has been good. Jake got home late Friday night. He brought me breakfast on Saturday morning, then I worked for a few hours. That afternoon, we gathered up our few baby returns and receipts and gift cards and headed out to run errands. Oh, we stopped to take advantage of early voting on the way. Next stop was Babies R Us for returns and to buy our car seats/stroller. We also found a chair and ottoman for the baby’s room. It has to be special ordered but they assure us it will be in within two weeks. I hope so. It’s our own fault for waiting so long to buy it, but still. We picked up a few other odds and ends as well, like a rectal thermometer with an “over insertion guard.” Now, I’m so glad it has that feature, but don’t you think that should be standard on all rectal thermometers? Why is that even optional?

Then we headed to Target to do the same dance there. I have to tell you, I really hate baby shopping at Target. I only even made a registry there because Babies R Us locations are few and far between, and not convenient to everyone. They just don’t have a lot and what they do have is so hit or miss. I wanted bibs, but all the bibs have stupid sayings on them or are very gender specific. I left with one pack of bibs, which I guess is ok for now, because really, newborns aren’t so drooly. And by the time the drooling starts up in force, we’ll probably be able to tell whether it’s a boy or a girl. God willing. We ran into yet another couple of our birthing class at the customer service desk at Target. We chatted with them for a bit. They were doing the same thing we were - after having showers, they were returning duplicates and buying things they didn’t get as gifts. And of course, it wasn’t until we were in the car on the way home that it hit me, we should have exchanged numbers with them. I mean, it’s another couple having their first baby who live within minutes of us. And the husband is a pilot so the wife is probably alone a lot. I could have just made a SAHM friend. But at the time, I was tired, cranky (because Target on a Saturday afternoon is my least favorite place in the world to be) and hungry and just wanted out. Hopefully we’ll run into them somewhere again soon. They seem very nice.

Today I worked a bit again and then we went to see Flags of Our Fathers. Good movie, but now I’m depressed. I think I need some ice cream now.

And this is my last Sunday night as an employed woman. Next Sunday night, I’ll be sitting on my couch, not having to worry one bit about whether I have something clean and ironed for the next day. And I can stay up as late as I want. Which will probably be around 9 p.m. still, but the point is that I could stay up as late as I want. Let’s hope this week goes by fast, and has limited interaction with asshole employees. You always want to end your HR career on a high note, you know?

Feeling Better, Now With More Nesting

I know my last post was a bit down in the dumps and whiny. Sorry. I do feel much better now. Tuesday night, the Braxton-Hicks contractions stopped around 9 or so and I was able to get a good night’s sleep. And sleep? Makes all the difference in the world to me. (I say I got a good night’s sleep. That means I only woke up the usual four times to pee and/or rearrange my pillow fortress for comfort.)

Jake’s out of town but will be back tomorrow night. The housekeeper is coming today and I have a hair appointment tonight. It’s a busy week. Oh and I have a doctor appointment today, where I will surely have my cervix checked again. Nothing like getting fisted by a woman you don’t even find especially attractive.

I registered us for an infant CPR class finally - I finally found one that wasn’t attached to a twelve-hour course that teaches baby basics such as giving baths and changing diapers. I already know how to do those things, thank you. I just want to know what to do if the kid chokes or stops breathing. We had breastfeeding class last weekend. It was fine. I don’t necessarily feel like I am all set to go, but at least I know how to hold the kid and the lady who taught it was nice. She gave us a list of local lactation consultants to call for help and that makes me feel worlds better.

And I ordered baby monitors yesterday. There are so many out there, and just like a cordless phone, what works well in one person’s house may not work well in another’s house, because of wi-fi, proximity of cell towers, and a lot of other factors. So I figured I’d get a set that had good reviews and we’d test it out. If we have to return a hundred and try new ones, I guess we better get started now.

I am now officially in my tenth month of pregnancy. And I’m learning from comments on my previous entry that you guys don’t think I’ll make it to 40 weeks. Honestly, I’ll be happy as long as The ‘Rod waits until after November 2, when I hit 37 weeks, but ideally, I would like it if he decided to arrive the week of Thanksgiving. I’m selfish and I want some time to rest and pamper myself and do more nesting before he arrives. I know I have no control and will take what I get without complaint. Well, without much complaint.

Whiny

I have finally reached the point that all women who have been pregnant warned me I would reach. I am ready for this part to be over. I know that I don’t really want Curtainrod to be born yet - I’m not at 37 weeks yet. But I am seriously considering having some eviction papers drawn up to serve on him November 2, the day I hit 37 weeks.

I’ve been having some pretty painful Braxton-Hicks contractions, to the point last night I was beginning to worry that maybe they weren’t false labor at all. They didn’t go away, and I am still having them, but they aren’t following any sort of pattern and aren’t getting worse so I’m sure all is fine. But I am so uncomfortable! I can’t climb the damn stairs in my house. I can’t lay down. I can’t sit up. I can’t put on shoes and socks. I can’t remove my terribly chipped toenail polish. I can’t reach to trim my toenails (without great effort and pain - I do it anyway), I’ve lost my appetite, I get heartburn even when I haven’t had a thing to eat or drink, and I can’t sleep. Oh, and none of my shoes fit because of my permanently swollen feet, and they hurt all the time.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! OK, I’m done whining for now.

Timeline

November 3, 1997 - My first day at my first “real” job out of college. This was the job that proved that I loved HR and am good at it. I learned more at this job in the three years I was there, than I probably have in a work capacity ever since. Until I started this job, I doubted whether HR was where I should be and what I should be doing. This job showed me I had chosen wisely.

October 23, 1999 - I met this great guy at a party. And although I was dating two other guys casually at the time, instinct took over and I accepted a date with him. Within three weeks we were crazy in love and knew we were getting married.

October 23, 2000 - Jake started his first day at his dream job, which unfortunately happened to be in New York. It was tough on us, since we had just gotten engaged, to be moving 1,500 miles away from home and family, but it was the right move to make. It was the best career move he could have made and marked a turning point for him.

November 3, 2000 - My last day at work before quitting my job to move to New York with Jake. I didn’t realize it at the time but making that move was a pivotal moment in my career, and one where I essentially decided that my career would take a backseat to his, although I didn’t realize it at the time.

October 23, 2006 - Jake is off to two conferences on the west coast to hopefully drum up some big business for this next stage in his career, which is already going well. And we are expecting our baby in exactly one month.

November 3, 2006 - This will be my last day at my job before quitting to be a stay-at-home mom. Who knows how long I will remain as such? I can tell you that I am not remotely convinced that I will ever return to HR or even to Corporate America in any capacity, so disgusted am I with politics and backstabbing and lying and drama. I love HR but can’t help but wonder if it’s just where you find the worst of the worst of these things. Yet again, my career path detours dramatically on this same date.

It’s kind of weird when you lay all those dates out like that. Apparently these two dates are significant in my life somehow. I’m sure there is some numerology or astrology theories to back up that these dates are part of my life and why, but I’ll be damned if I understand. I just thought it was odd.

But at least I haven’t peed myself today.

Shower Up!

I had two baby showers this weekend - one at work on Friday and one with my girlfriends yesterday. I am sufficiently showered with gifts, I must say.

You know, showers are weird. I am not necessarily a shy person who avoids the spotlight. I mean, I am shy around strangers and such, but with my friends and people I love, I am not shy at all. And I can stand in front of a hundred employees and give training classes and orientation and the like. But it still is a bit odd to sit in front of your friends while they watch you open presents.

The work shower was a hurried affair because, well, it was at work. But it was very nice with lots of my friends pitching in to make food and punch and get the room decorated. I got my Boppy pillow (which I am so thankful for!) and a bunch of cute onesies, gowns, sleepers, and blankets. One of my good friends at work had a onesie made that says “Curtainrod” on it - too cute! And another good friend had two bibs made for me - one says “Fantabulous” and the other says “I was surprised. Were you surprised?” If you don’t understand those references, then I must direct you to Eddie Izzard and this particular DVD. Yes, I am fully in support of my child sporting bibs with quotes from an executive transvestite.

Yesterday was just an all around great day. First of all, Sarah drove up from Austin for my shower. I don’t even know how to begin to explain how much that means to me. We met up for lunch on Saturday at Northpark Mall, then headed over to Karin’s house. I had promised her my punch bowl - I knew it would come in handy when I bought it last summer and now it’s been used THREE times - and that I would be there to greet the first guests with her. She did such an amazing job decorating the house - it was all fall-themed with pumpkins and leaves and all kinds of yummy fall scented candles. Not a baby decoration in sight. Now don’t get me wrong, baby decorations are very cute and truth be told, I have always used them, but this shower was just so sophisticated. I loved that the theme was about women, not babies. I don’t know that I’m making sense with that, but in any event it was absolutely perfect. The next big surprise was when my friend K knocked on the door. She also drove up from Austin, but I wasn’t expecting her. Karin had said that she called saying she was going to try to make it, but I didn’t expect that she would - it’s such a long drive! But she came. She drove from Austin to Dallas and back the same day just to be at the shower. I couldn’t believe it. We ate yummy food and chatted and then opened presents.

Many more wonderful gifts of course. Notables were a gift from my dad that made me cry and also made about half the room cry, including my mom, who shouldn’t have been surprised since she brought the dang thing with her. But I opened the card and sat there shocked for a minute to realize that the present was not from my parents, but from just my dad. It was the book I Already Know I Love You by Billy Crystal, about becoming a grandfather, and a very boyish blue sleepy suit with trucks on it. The sleepy suit is my dad’s way of telling me he is sure we are having a boy. He says he knew about my nephew and niece and he’s sure about mine too. We’ll see. Anyway, I’m a certifiable daddy’s girl and it made me bawl.

The other gift that really made quite an impression was from Sarah, who as part of her gift, included a tube of Crest toothpaste. You may remember this entry, about how seeing a tube of toothpaste in the hospital gift shop gave me a strange feeling that this round of IUI was the one that would work, and it did. She promised as soon as she found out I was pregnant that she would make sure I didn’t have to buy $6 toothpaste in the hospital and she was true to her word. I put the toothpaste in my hospital bag right away. The minute I saw it I started laughing and she started laughing, so I had to share the story with the whole room. I’m not sure they thought it was nearly as funny as we did, but who cares?

So last night, Jake and I spent the evening going through all the gifts and sorting out what was for newborns, what was for an older Curtainrod, what we had duplicates of, etc. We thought we were going to have to take back a lot of stuff, but I think we are only taking back two or three things. And we were able to make a list of things we need to buy but didn’t want to buy too early in case we got them as gifts. So now I have a pile of laundry to do and things to fold and find a place to put away.

Oh and did I mention that I finished writing all my thank you notes? I know, I am a machine! Well, my goal was to do the notes from Friday’s shower before I had the other shower on Saturday. I did that pretty easily on Friday night. I was going to give myself more time on the Saturday shower, but last night I was wound up and not in the mood to stare at anything on TV so I sat at the kitchen table - it’s too hard to sit on the couch and write anything on my newly non-existent lap - and wrote them all out. And that is one more task I can mark off my list.

Today it’s off to breast feeding class (Jake is thrilled, I can assure you) and tomorrow he leaves for a business trip. We’re both a bit bummed and he’s made several stern statements to my belly that nothing better happen while he is away. I’m sure that nothing will, but maybe Curtainrod just needs to hear it from his daddy.

Who Doesn’t Love to Shop?

It’s fall. You know you need a new sassy bag. Or you know that you want to buy a new sassy bag for your friend, wife, mother, sister or grandmother. Every woman loves a sassy bag.

Go visit my friend Carolyn at Isabella Bags and start your holiday shopping early. Her bags are soooo gorgeous, any girl would be thrilled to carry one. And if you tell her it was specially designed and made for her, she’ll feel even more special.

I’m telling you folks, you have to get in on the ground floor of this. Carolyn could easily become the next kate spade, and wouldn’t it be cool to think you had one of the first ever, and that it was handmade by the designer herself? Get one now before she has to move her operations to a sweatshop in Indonesia. Not that she would ever do that. No, surely not.

A Day to Remember

I wasn’t sure I wanted to share this with the entire internet, but I figured I would since it turns out to be pretty funny. How could I deprive you all of a good laugh at my expense?

First, I am warning you now, this could be considered a bit gross so if you are sensitive or don’t like to talk about bodily functions, I urge you to move along for now.

Today at work, around 11 a.m., I went to the restroom. I had finished my business and was washing my hands, when all of a sudden I felt a flow of fluid. Now, honestly, I knew at the moment that it was not enough fluid to be “it.” I knew my water had not broken, at least not entirely. But it is possible to have a small rupture that makes you leak amniotic fluid. And also, I pee myself a little bit every day when I sneeze or laugh or cough and it didn’t seem to be coming from the right place to be urine. Plus, I had just peed! I was empty. So I rushed back into a stall to see what was going on. There was thankfully no blood at all but a lot of wetness. A lot. I stayed there for a while, trying to decide what to do. This morning I had noticed that everything seemed to have shifted down a bit, and I feel a lot of pressure a lot lower than normal, but I just assumed that this was the infamous dropping I have heard so much about. It also dawned on me that I hadn’t had any heartburn at all today, even though I drank orange juice this morning. That told me that the kid is probably now a bit lower and is not pressing up on my stomach. My mind raced back to childbirth class and to every pregnancy book I have ever read and I just started to think that it was not completely outside the realm of possibility that pre-term labor could happen to me. I decided better safe than sorry. I am not one of those people who is always convinced that something is wrong with them. In fact, I am the exact opposite. I never think that anything is wrong with me and I often don’t go to the doctor when other people would. But now I am not just dealing my own health, I’ve got Curtainrod to think of and this isn’t just a case of “could my illness be a sinus infection?”

I gathered myself together as much as I could and went back to my desk to grab my cell phone. I went out in the hall and called the doctor’s office. I spoke with the very nice OB nurse at my doctor’s office and she listened to my story, complete with gory details, and told me that I should come in to the office as soon as I could get there and they would check me out. I called Jake and went back in to tell my boss I had to go. Of course, by now, I was starting to get worried. I mean, if all was fine, wouldn’t the nurse have just told me that it was fine and not to worry? The fact that she wanted me to get checked said that my fear was somewhat legitimate.

I was taken right back at the doctor’s office and Jake came in just a few minutes after me. I was going back and forth between crying because I was so scared, and making jokes and saying I knew that this was nothing and I’d end up feeling like an idiot at the end of it all. The doctor came in and examined me. Ladies, if you think the speculum is uncomfortable, try having one inserted without the aid of a little KY. She warned me up front that if they were going to test for amniotic fluid that she couldn’t use any lubricant on the speculum. Ouch. She made me bear down and then cough to see what was going on, and was able to gather some bit of something to test. After looking at it under the microscope, she finally determined that it was not amniotic fluid. She listened to Curtainrod’s heartbeat, which was a healthy and steady 140 bpm. After that, she felt my cervix (by the way, OUCH again!) which she said was thinning but still closed and did the swab to test for Group B Strep - I was due to have these things done tomorrow at my regular visit so she just went ahead and did it all today so I don’t have to go back. Her best guess was that what I felt was maybe some cervical mucous which could have just seemed watery or it could have been some urine. I think what she was telling me was “Lady, you peed yourself but I will sugar coat it so you don’t feel so bad about it.”

So in the end, the baby is fine, my water is not broken, and I feel a bit silly. I know I shouldn’t. I know I did exactly the right thing - that if there is any suspicion that the water is broken, you have to know immediately. I would absolutely do the same thing again. But my medical emergency turned out to be nothing other than a laundry emergency. Oh come on now, that’s funny.

I Don’t Care What the Weatherman Says

It may be true that it’s been over 80 degrees for the past three days, but I know in my heart that it is fall. I had my first Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbuck’s this morning. Decaf, of course. I am ready for turkey and dressing and cranberries and Christmas trees and presents and cookies. Oh, and the baby of course. Don’t forget about Curtainrod.

I am not a caffeine freak, by the way. I take full advantage of my doctor’s advice that I can have a little caffeine every day. Well, I take that back. I don’t necessarily have some every day. But I will drink iced tea when the spirit moves me, and I’ll have a Dr. Pepper every now and again. But only once a day. So if I have iced tea with lunch, there is no more caffeine for me for the rest of the day. And I can go days without any at all. In fact, for the entire first trimester, I don’t think I had any, and didn’t really start feeling ok with it until midway into the second trimester. However, I do try to avoid regular coffee because it has the most caffeine. Iced tea doesn’t have very much, and a soda isn’t so bad as long as you don’t drink eight of them at a sitting in a restaurant. I do avoid artificial sweetener, though, and hope to continue to do so after the baby is born. I just know that any day now, they will come out with firm evidence that aspartame is a carcinogen, so I’m trying to be ahead of the curve. And I hate splenda. That shit is nasty. Ick. it may start out as real sugar, but how can it be safe when it’s chemically treated to prevent your body from absorbing the calories? The answer is that it can’t. That scares me.

Wow, this post went off on a tangent, didn’t it?

Bees on a Wall!

I had such big plans for this weekend. And you know what they say about the best laid plans.

Well, actually, we were supposed to go to a friend’s wedding in Houston this weekend, but with my back pain and swelling below the knees, it was not a wise decision to sit in the car for four hours each way. I was so sad to miss the wedding, especially because she is moving OUT OF THE COUNTRY - in fact leaves directly from her honeymoon to her new foreign digs. But she promises I’ll see her in the spring when they come home for a long visit.

Anyway, so suddenly I was left with a weekend I hadn’t thought I’d have in which to get things done. First up on Saturday was an eyebrow wax. With two showers coming up this weekend, there will be many photos taken and I don’t want to look like a large caterpillar has made its home on my forehead. After that, Karin and I had lunch at Snuffer’s - all is right with the world when you have cheese fries and a good friend to eat them with. Saturday afternoon, we actually did some significant work on Curtainrod’s room. Jake figured out how to complete the stenciling of the bees on the wall without using stencil paint. He discovered that for the black parts of the bee, and honestly, the bee is mostly black, a big black marker worked perfectly. And it’s permanent. He so smart. Anyway, we also put together the crib and moved in the changing table. Here are some pictures:

This is my cunning husband putting together the crib. Isn’t he cute?

And here is a picture of one of the bees he stenciled:

There are about five bees strategically placed throughout the room. It’s so cute! And that bee matches perfectly the bees that are on the nursery decor we bought. I’m really really happy with how it turned out. The walls are a honey color, which at first I thought was too dark, but it has grown on me and now I love it. I am just pleased that it’s not a sunshine yellow - that is what I did not want.

Once the crib was put together, I made the bed all up with bumper pads and everything, although I know I will need to take it all apart and wash the sheet and stuff, plus put down the waterproof sheet, etc. I didn’t get a picture of it all though. I need to do that. But Jake did get a picture of the mobile that I spent ten whole minutes putting together and attaching to the crib all by myself.

See how perfectly the bees on the wall go with the bees in the bedding? Jake is so clever.

Anyway, so needless to say we were in full-on nesting mode this weekend.

My mom and I had plans to go shopping yesterday to figure out a way to cover the half-circle window in the baby’s room. It’s just way too bright in there during the day - the kid would never nap, and plus it just looks unfinished.

So away we went yesterday around noon. My list included the shade/fan thing for the window, the rod for the valence, maybe some panels if I found something cute, the chair for the room, slippers and a nursing nightgown for the hospital. Of all the things on my list, you know what I ended up with? The nursing nightgown. I find it so hard to believe that in Dallas, Texas, one of the most materialistic cities in the US, I was not able to spend money on what I wanted yesterday. I was thwarted at every turn. JC Penney? Didn’t carry the shade/fan thing, unless you wanted it custom made, which I do NOT. A trip to Lowe’s may be in order this week. Also, they don’t carry nursing clothes in their maternity section. USA Baby was the next stop to look for a chair. They had one chair that could work, but I wasn’t wild about it and it was expensive. Then I thought I’d just suck it up and go back to the weird lady who owns the store where we bought the rest of the furniture. I swore I wouldn’t buy anything else from her, but I was desperate. Yeah, they were closed. At 2 p.m. on a Sunday. Even though when we bought the furniture back in May, it was on a Sunday. After that, we went to Destination Maternity, where I knew I would find my nursing sleepwear for the hospital. Plus Jake’s mom had thoughtfully sent me a gift card to buy myself something cute for my last six weeks. I tried on lots of jammies but realized quickly that a nightgown was probably the best idea, given the amount of attention that will be paid to my nether regions in the hospital. Wearing PJ pants would not be convenient. I don’t like to sleep in nightgowns, because they wind up bunched around my waist and annoy me, but I think this is one scenario when one is needed. I did find a set that was a nursing nightgown with a robe (because I know the hospital will be cold) for a reasonable price and I bought it. And it is the epitome of frumpy. Seriously, I feel like I belong on an episode of Mama’s Family. It’s not a housecoat, but it’s close. But it will serve its purpose and move on to the donation pile in the not too distant future.

I couldn’t stand anymore shopping after that, so we went home. I had been craving banana bread, so I whipped some up. I don’t know if it was the craving that was so strong, or if now I am baking with a mother’s love, but that is the best damn banana bread I have ever made. I had to restrain myself to keep from eating a whole loaf last night. But I can tell you what I’ll be doing when I get home tonight.

All in all, a lot got done this weekend, but there is much left to do. Slowly but surely it’s getting there. Hopefully Curtainrod gives us a couple weeks after I am done working to get some of these tasks completed.

And only fifteen more work days. But who’s counting?