Long Lost Blogger

Yeah I’m still here. And today is the first day that I’ve really felt better. I miss the days when I could attack any symptom I had with pharmaceuticals. If I’d been allowed my good drugs, I’d have been ship-shape much sooner. Sadly I think we passed our little colds on to Bridgie. She’s a bit snotty and her adorable little fake cough has turned into a real-sounding cough. It’s not that bad for now, but I hope it doesn’t get worse. It’ll break my heart.

What has gone on since last we spoke? Let’s see….. not a lot actually. We got the estimate on what it will take to get the damn heating and AC systems working and working right. Ugh. It’s not pretty. And it’s coming around the same time that we finally made up our minds to replace our carpet. Bridget is about to be crawling and our carpet was the cheap builder special and it’s now ten years old. Plus have I mentioned the pets? No one wants to see her crawling around on this carpet. We’re getting an estimate on that next week. I honestly don’t have a clue whether we are looking at $5,000 or $25,000. (I know carpet will not cost $25,000 but you get my point.) Remind me again what the big fucking deal is to owning a home? Spending money on the house is so infuriating to me. I could be doing fun things with this money but instead I am thinking of carpet and evaporator coils.

On a completely unrelated note… anyone else thinking The Sopranos is totally boring, AGAIN? This is the last season. Shouldn’t they start settling scores and killing more people? What a snooze-fest. I’m glad they are pulling the plug because it really hasn’t been good in a long time.

And speaking of snooze-fests, this post rates right up there. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……..

No Sick Days for Mommies

No fair. Jake was sick over the weekend and unfortunately, we both thought he was just suffering from allergies. We weren’t careful about germs because I assumed he wasn’t contagious. But now I have what he had. And I feel like crap. Even Bridgie seemed to feel bad yesterday. She slept almost all day and felt a bit warm to us, although she didn’t have an official fever. Thankfully she’s better today.

The pisser of it all is that I can’t take a flingin’ flangin’ thing that will actually make me feel better. Decongestants don’t really agree with breastfeeding. I want a sick day. I want to curl up on the couch all day. But I can’t. Oh well, I will rally. I’m drinking my hot water with lemon (yes, I know I sound like a little old lady but it helps my throat) and I’m starting to feel a bit more human than I did at six a.m. when Bridget woke me up to eat. That’s something, at least.

Here We Go….

Today in the mail, Bridget received her first party invitation. Oy. The invitation was sent by a woman I know whose daughter is turning three. I used to be her boss at a past job and while the whole group has remained in touch and friendly, she and I aren’t really that close. Honestly, if she weren’t part of this group, I don’t think we’d bother to see each other ever again. She’s very nice but we just never had the bond that I have with a one or two of the other group.

First, let me say that I do not believe in birthday parties for children who are too young to have friends. It’s one thing to get together at the house with the family to watch a baby bury their face in some cake. Spending scads of money on an event at a place like Chuck E Cheese’s and the like for a three year old just baffles me. Why spend the money and the effort to plan an elaborate party for a child who is not going to remember it? Do you remember your third birthday? Well, I do, but I am a freak - most people don’t remember back that far. Save the effort for when they can anticipate and get excited about it, and actually have memories of the party, not to mention have some input on which children attend. I know that I am decidedly UNsentimental about such things. We didn’t buy Bridget any Christmas presents last year and honestly aren’t sure if we will this year either. As I think about her first birthday coming in a few months, I honestly don’t see any more fanfare than what I just mentioned. The family. A cake. Then a bath. But again, I don’t tend to be sentimental about these things. I go overboard on the sentimentality of many many things, but just not this particular thing.

All that aside, the other thing that has me scratching my head is why Bridget was sent an invitation to this event. She is five months old. She has never even laid eyes on the birthday girl, and if she had, would have been completely unaware of it. Bridget has only been around the mother one time for about an hour. Is that how it works? Your child has a birthday so you invite every single person you know who also has children? I don’t know, there is something about this that really bugs me. It’s like in this case it’s about showing off. Look at the party I’m throwing for my child. Look how much money I am spending. It’s not just this person either. I have a handful of friends with small children (toddler age) who have parties for them at Build-a-Bear and other similar “experience” places or rent bounce houses and have pony rides. These are kids who don’t even attend school yet. Who can they know to invite?

I am convinced that Bridget is going to spend a good deal of her childhood hating us because we refuse to be sucked into this type of thing. This sort of showing off just doesn’t sit well with me, and I am sure that there will be many eye rolls and refrains of “Mom you just don’t understand!”

I know, I know. Welcome to parenthood.

A Bit of Good News

I made the appointment for Robbie’s surgery last Friday. I figured it was best to get it over with rather than letting him be in pain for any longer. When I dropped him off, both the vets took the time to meet with me, which kind of made me nervous. Turns out they just wanted to show me the x-rays of his hips, to make sure that I understood we’d be fixing one problem, but his hips could potentially be a very big issue for him at any time, and that by fixing his knee, I wasn’t guaranteed that he’d be ok for the rest of his life. They mentioned that his hips could cause him such chronic pain that putting him down would be the only thing to be done. I love these vets so much and appreciated that they wanted to make absolutely sure that I understood everything that was going on with Robbie. They did both tell me that if he was their dog, they would do the knee surgery, because his hips may never be a problem for him, but that he knee was definitely a problem. So I felt good about going forward with the surgery, but just devastated that he has such a potential problem looming on the horizon.

But after they got Robbie under anesthesia, the vet called to say that when they examined the knee again, they weren’t 100% sure that the problem we thought he has was actually there. When they diagnosed him, they had him sedated but not fully under. Under the general anesthesia, they got him totally relaxed and the knee felt different to him. He called in the other vet for a second opinion, who agreed that he may have just a slight tear in the ligament but it was so slight that it wouldn’t warrant putting him through the surgery and recovery for it now. So we agreed that we would not do the ligament surgery right now, and think about it later if he hurts it again. They did clean his teeth while he was under, as we had planned, and said I could pick him up that afternoon.

I am thrilled that he didn’t need surgery, and not just because he saved us $800. I knew his recovery would be hard on him. I am a bit worried that if he does re-injure he knee, the damage could be much much worse and more painful for him. But more than that, I am so sad to hear about his hips. He has never complained about them before, but now that I know about them, I watch him much more carefully every day. We now have a standing prescription for pain meds for him so I can dose him up if I need to. My poor boy.

As for Neo, well he’s still here. The adoption people are asking that we get medical records to show that Neo doesn’t have a bladder infection, trying to explain away his peeing. I understand that they don’t want to have a cat back in their system to have to find another home for. But seriously? Cats with bladder infections don’t target one family member’s clothing to pee on. They pee everywhere because they can’t help it and they let you know they are in pain. He’s just mad. But since we really want him to go to a good foster home and then placed in a better home for him, we will play along. So poor Neo has to go back to the vet again this week so we can prove to the foster people that he’s not just sick. Ugh. I am dying here. I just want it over with because it’s killing me, seeing his sweet little kitty face every day, and knowing that he has no idea that he’s not going to be with us much longer.

I love animals but this drama is killing me. I think that after this round of pets has gone on to wherever it is that pets go, we will be an animal free household for a good long time.

Serendipity

A couple weeks ago, when Bridget and I made our semi-regular walk to the video store, I decided to pick up that Showtime TV show with Mary Louise Parker in it, because I had heard great things about it. But since we don’t have Showtime, we hadn’t seen it. I don’t know what I was thinking, because I rented the show without looking at it. I meant to pick up Weeds but ended up with The L Word. I didn’t notice until I got home with it. But Jake was out of town and I couldn’t watch any of the TV we had recorded because then I’d just have to watch it again when he got back, so I decided to give it a try.

And now I’m hooked. It’s so good! I watched the first two episodes of Season One, then stopped because I knew Jake would want to see it. I mean, it’s about lesbians, how could he not be interested in that? When he got home, we watched the entire first disc together and he was hooked too. Then I rented the next two on Friday. Jake was sick over the weekend so we watched a lot of TV, including those two discs, then went out this afternoon for the last disc of Season One. I plan to go on Tuesday and get some if not all of Season Two. I am now dying to be caught up and considering getting Showtime just for this show.

Five Months

Bridget is five months old today. She just gets bigger and cuter every day!

She is very vocal now, realizing that she can squeal and we applaud her for it, which just gets her going more. It’s noisy but adorable. I know that in not very long I’ll not enjoy the squealing this much, but for now, we love it.

Bridget has chosen her comfort fingers now. She sucks the middle and ring fingers of her left hand. She does this mainly when she is tired, so it’s a nice signal we get early before she is very upset and wound up. It’s kind of gross though, because her fingers are so often wet, and at the same time, she loves to reach out for the cheek, nose or ear of the person holding her. It’s disgusting to get slimed in this way, but we tolerate it because how can you resist an adorable baby who is reaching out to touch you?

She rolls like crazy now, both directions. We spend a while every day on the play mat on the floor in her room and she just rolls over and over and over again. She is now a bona fide tummy sleeper, although I don’t place her in the crib on her tummy. I place her on her back and she’s usually on her tummy before I am out of the room. There is nothing I can do about that so I try not to worry too much about it. Thankfully, she hasn’t made any more progress toward crawling. She went through a period where she would draw her legs up under her like she was going to try, but thankfully that has stopped for now. She is way too young and I am way too unprepared for her to crawl.

We tried feeding her cereal after her four month checkup, but she wasn’t a fan of it. She figured out how to swallow, and had stopped pushing the food out of her mouth within three feedings or so. But she would take a bite or two of cereal, then immediately put her comfort fingers in her mouth. I would have to restrain her hands with one hand of mine, then try to feed her with the other. I figured that it was too soon to make food be a point of contention between us, so I put cereal on hold for a while. Plus, it was not at all helping her sleep through the night, like all the old-school moms kept telling me it would. In fact, I think it may have been having the opposite effect so I stopped. I am thinking of starting again, only I am going to try oatmeal this time, because I think it tastes better. Hopefully she takes to this more than last time.

Bridget continues to be a very focused little girl. When she wants something, she wants it. Her eyes light up and she eagerly reaches out for a few favorite toys (her big, soft keys, her telephone rattle, and her stuffed lion) when she is shown them, and then immediately shoves them in her mouth. We also noticed that she eagerly greets the bottle in the same way, although that confuses me because she gets so few bottles. She’s also started noticing the pets and they make her smile, especially when Lucy comes and pushes her snout in Bridget’s face while she’s in the swing or exersaucer. Yesterday, Bridget was in my lap and Kiri jumped up in my lap. Bridget’s face lit up and she reached out to touch her. I thought Kiri would bolt because she doesn’t really like to be touched by anyone, but she allowed it. Until Bridget grabbed a handful of her tail. Even then she just jumped down, she didn’t turn and do anything to Bridget in retaliation, so that is comforting to me.

We are still waging the war against television. However, if we were stronger people, we would simply not have it on in her presence. We are not that strong. I just try to turn the exersaucer away from the tv, or if I’m holding her, I’ll turn her so that she can’t see it. But the other day I was standing holding her, with my back to the tv. My head was in her line of sight of the tv, and damn if the child didn’t lean over so she could see around my head. While I am not convinced that tv is the devil, as some moms are, I don’t want to get in the habit of using the tv as a quieting influence. I don’t think there is anything wrong with using tv for entertainment purposes, but I don’t think she’s ready for that yet.

Sleep is an up and down thing. She has actually gone a few nights sleeping from about 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. without waking up once. That’s not the norm and usually we still wake up to eat once a night. We have a bad night every now and again, like last night, where she wakes up a lot. I try to avoid feeding her every time she wakes up on a night like that because I know she doesn’t need to eat and I don’t want her to rely on nursing to fall asleep. But, at 4 a.m. you’ll do almost anything to get the baby quiet and get yourself back to bed. So I usually break down and feed her. It’s not that bad, though. She’s a small baby and her little tummy just may not be ready yet to take her through the night on a regular basis.

But the best news is that Bridget has become a great napper. I can usually count on her for about a two hour nap in the morning and then again in the afternoon. And if she doesn’t get those two hour naps, it really shows in her attitude for the rest of the day. Bonus for me that I can use that time to work, or do laundry or sneak in a nap myself.

It’s been an exciting month, full of changes for us. I am definitely tired most of the time, and sometimes I am cranky because of that. But mostly, I wake up each day and am so thrilled that I get to spend my days with her, and eager to see what she will do that day.

It’s a great life.

Love Is…..

Yesterday, my contact lens tore in half when I was trying to take it out and disturbingly, one half of it remained in my eye somewhere. From the feel of it, it was lodged somewhere under my upper eyelid. I tried everything I could think of to get it out, but it wasn’t budging. A couple of hours later when Jake got home, he got a flashlight and confirmed that indeed the piece of contact was up there. Then he actually put his finger in my eye and got it out for me.

Candlelight, flowers, and all that crap is ok, but when someone is willing to stick his finger in your eye to relieve your pain? That right there is love.

A Week of Pet Drama

The pets are a constant drama around here. I guess that’s to be expected when you have so flingin’ flangin’ many of them.

First up is Neo. Sadly, we have to give Neo up. He is just not happy here and has been acting out because of it for months, ever since we brought the baby home. Honestly, I know it will be years before I have the time to give him the attention he craves again and I simply can’t have him peeing on everything he sees in the meantime. He has by himself, ruined our carpet both with his peeing and his scratching. Bridget it about to be more mobile and I truly don’t trust him around her. So with a very heavy heart, we are going to give him back to the organization from which we adopted him. They will foster him until they find a new home for him. I feel so awful. I love this cat. He was everything I wanted in a cat - lovable and a lap cat - that our female is not. And I am NOT the sort to abandon an animal that I have committed to caring for. But as I said, he is obviously not happy, he is not adjusting to the change in the house, and he is becoming increasingly destructive. He needs a home where he gets lots of attention, maybe with other cats who actually want to play with him (Kiri does not want to play with him at all). I don’t want the rescue people to think I am a deadbeat cat mom, but honestly, Bridget has to come first, so if they do think that, there is nothing I can do about it. I know this will be something that bothers me for a very long time. Please don’t think I am a horrible person. I have literally tried everything I could find in books and online and vet’s advice to correct his behavior but he is obviously just unhappy here. I even considered declawing him, but it wouldn’t help the peeing and I would hate to leave him defenseless against the dogs. So the decision is made, and this weekend hopefully it will all be over. I will miss him terribly and will feel guilty for a long long time, but this is just something that has to be done.

The other issue is Robbie, who has a torn ligament in his knee. He did whatever it was he did on Saturday afternoon, and started whimpering and limping around on it. I of course wanted to rush him to the emergency vet, but Jake talked me down. A visit there would have been a minimum of $500 and normally when I have worried about paw injury, it has turned out to be nothing. So we gave him asprin and waited to see if he got better. By Monday he was slightly better, still limping but not refusing to go up and down the stairs, and I did catch him up on our bed, which told me that if he could jump that high, he wasn’t too bad off. But I decided to take him in anyway. They couldn’t get a good exam of his leg because it was hurting him and he wouldn’t let them do what they needed to do, although the vet suspected a torn ligament. So they kept him overnight so they could fast him, then sedate him and get a good exam of his leg, and maybe x-rays if needed. The ligament is torn, but not completely. The vet does recommend surgery to replace the ligament with a nylon band. The other bad news is that the vet didn’t like the way Robbie’s gait looked in general so he did an x-ray of his hips and poor guy has slight to moderate hip dysplasia. So the long and short of it is that we don’t HAVE to do the surgery on the ligament - it will heal, but it will be weakened and if we don’t fix it, he will need to be careful for the rest of his life, because any further trauma could blow out the knee, which might then require a more in depth and expensive surgery. Also, the way we can help his hips is to keep him trim and active, which would be hard to do with a hurt knee. So I guess the decision is to get him the surgery. I know it’s expensive, about $1,000, but I can’t let him be in pain for the rest of his life. And how do you tell a dog that he can’t chase squirrels up and down the fence anymore? Or that he can’t wrestle with Lucy? So I feel confident that he will hurt it again. He’s a young dog and I want him around for a good long time.

All in all, I’m in a bit of a tailspin here. How can I consider spending that much money to save one pet so much pain, while at the same time planning to banish another pet? I feel like shit, I have to tell you. But now I am preparing to take Neo to the vet for his shots so that I can prepare him for his new home. I may just cry for the rest of the week.

Lingering Effects of Pregnancy

One of the strangest pregnancy symptoms I had was some odd numbness on the top of my right thigh. The numbness was only on the skin, not the flesh or muscle, and so minor that I never even remembered it when I was at the doctor so I never mentioned it to her. I figured that it was because I always slept on that side, putting my considerable weight on right leg. I often would wake up with that tingly pins and needles feeling there.

I assumed when I delivered the baby, it would go away. But it hasn’t. When I went for my post-delivery check up in December, I mentioned it to my OB who looked at me blankly and said, “That’s weird!” as though she had never heard of this pregnancy symptom in her life. So I left it at that. I felt like I had remembered seeing this particular symptom online somewhere so I wasn’t really worried about it. I went to my regular family doctor a month or so after that for something else, and mentioned it to him, just to see if he had ever heard of this. Before I even finished explaining it to him, he was nodding and said he knew exactly what it was. The weight of pregnancy had caused pressure on some specific nerves in my lower back, the nerves that effect feeling in my right thigh. OK, great. So he adjusted my back (I had never had that done before and it felt wonderful) and then prescribed an anti-inflammatory drug. Unfortunately I can’t take the drug because according to the pharmacist, it is not compatible with breast feeding.

So here I am, almost five months after delivery with a numb right thigh. I suppose that, like feet that have grown half a shoe size and fingers that most assuredly will never comfortably fit into my wedding rings again, this particular reminder of pregnancy is here to stay. I guess it’s not that bad. Really it only bothers me when I have an itch there. You know, because no matter how much I scratch it, it never feels better. Actually, that is pretty maddening.

Six Years of Wedded Bliss

Six years ago today, Jake and I got married. Smartest thing I ever did. In the past six years, we’ve laughed (a lot), we’ve cried (a little), we’ve moved cross country once, traveled some, settled some and started our family. All I can say is that I can’t imagine having done any of these things with anyone else. He’s my best friend, biggest supporter and one sexy beast. I love you, baby!