Skipping the Traditional Recap

I would love to give you the traditional recap of the year as we are nearing the end of 2007. But looking back on my posts, I decided that if you wanted to bore yourself to sleep you could just go watch PBS or something. My year looked like this:

cried
baby cried
I got pooped on
snot
I’m tired
more baby stuff
even more baby stuff
exponentially more baby stuff

So I’m sparing you that pain.

I hope you all have a wonderful year, full of health, happiness, laughter and love.

This is One Doodle That Can’t Be Undid, Homeskillet

Yesterday we broke out and left the kiddo with my parents for a trip to the movies. We were all set to see Charlie Wilson’s War but when I went in to the theater to get seats, I discovered that it was packed and the only seats available were on the floor. I don’t pay $8 to sit in a crappy seat at a movie, especially when we get to go to the movies so infrequently. (I say that but I do realize that the week before Christmas, while Bridget was at Mother’s Day Out, we got to see I Am Legend. It was good but I digress.) So we went back to the box office and exchanged our tickets for Juno starting about thirty minutes later.

I had really been wanting to see this movie. I had heard good things about it but I try to stay away from movie reviews lately. It’s just depressing to know about all these wonderful flicks out there that I will likely never get to see until Netflix sends them to me. Movie reviews are really just taunts to me now. And yet, here I am giving one. Ironical*, huh? Damn, I am digressing again. I hate it when I do that.

So the movie. Yeah. Wow. Amazing. I knew it would be funny. I knew I’d like the movie. I was not prepared to love it. I knew I’d laugh, but I also did my fair share of crying. I don’t normally give a fig about Jennifer Garner. I hated Alias and really, what else has she done worth talking about? But she was great in this. In her character, I identified so much with that consuming, visceral need for a baby. I was kicked in the stomach with the memories of wanting it so badly that nothing could fill that hole. I won’t give too much away because I am cool like dat. But it’s so good. It’s intelligent humor, it’s not just stupid humor. I find myself really caring about what happened to the characters after the movie ended.

I couldn’t have asked for more for my day at the movies.

*and yes, I know “ironical” is not a word and that technically since irony is a literary term, it doesn’t actually exist in real life. If you want to get all technical about it. I figured I had to footnote that since I bitch about bad grammar all the time. Usually when I use it here it’s intentional.

I Love a Bargain!

Today was full of bargain shopping, which I love. Post holiday is the best time to go to Target.

Yesterday I was at the grocery store and stopped to take a peek at the now out-of-season Christmas finery. I found two wooden advent calendars that I adore. They have candy in them now but obviously that will go in the trash before we put them out next year since it’ll be really old and stale but I’ll put in fresh candy for Bridgie. I have no idea why I bought two except that they were both really cute and I couldn’t decide, and since I was pressed for time and they were on sale 2 for $10 (marked down from $19.99 each) I just got them both. Who knows? One day we might have a second kid. Or maybe I’ll just have one for Bridget and one for Jake. Want to see them?

Then I also found these plates, marked down from $7.99 each to $2 each. They are square and just the right size for setting out Christmas nibbles for guests.

Then today we had some errands to run, and that included Target (!). I actually restrained myself pretty well there. We only spent $82 and I can spend $200 at Target in my sleep so I was pretty proud. I bought two rolls of wrapping paper because this year we did finally burn through  a few rolls that have been hanging around FOR-EV-ER. Lesson learned long ago: Only buy Target gift wrap you really like, because it will be with you for a long time.  I also got another plastic storage bin for decorations because I vowed to box my mantle decorations separately this year and I meant it, damn it! And I bought an ornament box, with dividers so you can store the ball ornaments in one sturdy protective container.

Also, we stopped at the Carter’s store because Bridget needs new sleepers. They are having a Super Duper Sale. I got a ton of stuff for cheap cheap cheap. And they have their cute new spring stuff out. I didn’t buy any of it but I’ve got my eye on a very cute polka dotted dress for Easter. Say what you will about Carter’s but I find them to be durable and cheap. Plus Bridget grows pretty slowly so she gets lots of wear out of her Carter’s stuff and we can usually pass it on to friends. I just don’t believe in spending tons of money on kids’ clothes.

Oh. Oh! OH! I also bought Bridget a night table. When we bought her furniture, we got her a convertible crib, so we committed to the black furniture for her whole life at home. Well, we could have changed except that my dad built her a book shelf and painted it black, and since there is no way we’ll be getting rid of that, the black furniture stays. But I couldn’t ever find a table I liked and have been using a round decorative table with a cloth for her monitor and various items. Worked fine until she starting trying to pull herself up to get things from the top of the table. She just doesn’t understand that the tablecloth will not hold her up. So the hunt was on again for a nightstand in black. Where do you go for black furniture? Why, Pottery Barn, of course! This is the one we got. Simple and clean lines. Should last her a good long time. Pretty soon we’ll need to buy her a dresser. I hope the black furniture thing holds out a couple of years. I still use the changing table which is her dresser but it will obviously need to go away when she no longer gets her diapers changed on it. Right now I’m not interested in paying $700 for a piece of furniture for a baby. Maybe in a year or so when I’m over how much we spent on the crib and changing table.

Hopefully I’m done spending money for a while. It’s hard to resist these post Christmas sales, though. And I do have some fun gift cards to use….

Ho Ho Humbug

I really hate the end of Christmas. It’s such a let-down. You spend a month getting all ready for fun and merry-making and then it’s all over in a day.

We had a great time. I loved how our trip turned out. Here are the highlights:

• We had snow on our drive up to Tulsa. Not a lot, but snow is still snow.
• Bridget woke up with a cold (or snot anyway) on Saturday, the day we left for Tulsa, and it’s still lingering.
• Booking the hotel was the best thing we could have done. The apartment Jake’s parents have rented in Tulsa (for many reasons too long to get into here) is nice but would never have fit all 10 of us for four days. We were cramped all being in the same place just for the 12 hours of Christmas Day. And the hotel set up was perfect. We did miss some fun because we had to take Bridget home to bed but her sleeping was especially important since she was sick.
• I sat parked in a no-parking zone at the Tulsa airport for easily half an hour on Sunday while Jake helped his grandparents get situated. No less than four TSA agents walked by me and no one gave me a second glance. What does that tell you about security there?
• I learned to make a green bean casserole that kicks the ass of the recipe on the can of fried onions. You’d like me to share it with you and I might. Or I might not. I have never been a fan of green bean casserole - it was never one of the dishes that my family ate on holidays. Recently I’ve had it and it’s been ok, even pretty good in some cases. But the dish I slapped together with Jake’s mom’s direction was to die for. I ate seconds and thirds of it and wished I had made a bigger dish of it.
• Bridget was wholly unimpressed with Christmas. She didn’t want to sit still to open any gifts and she didn’t want to make it easy for any of us to do so either.
• Did I mention that on Christmas Day I found Bridget with a knife in her mouth one time and a screwdriver another time? This is top-notch parenting right here, folks. I should write a book.
• Santa was very good to me. He listened when I said I wanted a spa day. And so very soon, I will find myself at the Nordstrom spa for a six hour stretch of massage, facial, either a body wrap or a hydrotherapy bath, manicure, pedicure and lunch. I also got some fun gift cards, and other lovely things I can’t think of at the moment but I have written down so I can write my thank you notes very soon.
• While we had a good time, it really caused us to think about how we are going to do Christmas for the next several years, now that we have a child to think about. I think our days of traveling for Christmas are over for a while. We really want Bridget to have the experiences we have had of waking up in her house on Christmas morning and all that. The being away from home while trying to maintain some sense of normalcy in a crazy, fun, sugar and attention filled season is only going to get harder as she gets older. At least until the Santa phase is over. Schlepping gifts (wrapped up and hidden one way, unwrapped and possibly already destroyed the other way) all over the United States is just not doable for us. What about the year she gets a bike or a Barbie house? So I think from here on out, we will take the stance that our Christmas morning is at our house and everyone is welcome to join us. Hi Mom! If you are reading this, we’ll talk in July or so about Christmases future. Don’t stress now. Love you!

So tell me, all my internet friends, did you have a wonderful holiday? I sure hope so. And I hope that your New Year’s is full of fun, but stay safe, ok?

I’ll probably be sparse on the blogging for the next few days. I have committed to doing Blog 365 and I need to save my strength for that.

Christmas Greetings from Oklahoma

We made it to Oklahoma on Saturday afternoon, with a car packed to the gills (I highly recommend marrying a man with mad packing skillz, yo) and through the driving snow. Well, it was more flurrying snow, but it was snow nonetheless.  And Bridget cried almost the entire four hours in the car. I think turning to face forward in her carseat may have been a bad idea. When she could only see seat back, I think she bored herself to sleep on long car rides. Now she has a view straight through the front windshield and that’s pretty interesting to a baby girl.

I’ll regale you with tales of sleepless nights, snot and the like when we get home.

Until then, I wish you all a very happy holiday, no matter how you celebrate.  Be of good cheer, eat some good food and spend some time doing exactly what you want to do.

Reaching New Heights

Bridget has figured out that we put the really fun things up out of her reach. She has also realized that she can stand on her tip-toes to make herself taller. So now we have to put the really fun things like remote controls, cell phones, scissors not only up high, but far back on the high surface.

This is a lesson I just learned when she yanked down my Villeory & Boch crystal bowl and turned it into a big pile of glass splinters. Luckily she was unhurt in the mess, but she did cut her sweet little baby toe on a shard of glass. How do you put a band-aid on a baby’s toe?  And how do I go about getting a new bowl?

Getting On With Life

Thank you all so much for your kind comments. It means a lot to have your support.  While I’m still very sad, it’s already getting easier. The fact that I can so readily recognize ways in which my life will be easier now that Lucy is gone does make me feel very guilty. But it’s simply the truth. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss her or that I don’t wish for the old Lucy back.

My parents were very kind to offer to take Robbie for us when we go away for Christmas. I was worried about him going off to board alone, as he’s only ever been there with Lucy. He will go back there for boarding but I think this may just be a bit too soon for him. I called yesterday to cancel the reservation so that someone on the waiting list could have their spot as soon as possible. The lady at Tailwaggers that I talked to was so sweet. She knew Lucy and seemed genuinely sad to hear that she had died. So Robbie will have some good one-on-one attention from my parents while we are away, which I know he needs. We’ve been trying to do that and I even bought him some pig’s ears yesterday, a treat he never got to enjoy since Lucy had such a sensitive stomach.

I need to find something to do with her crate. I need to get it out of the house because it makes me sad. I know there are dog rescue organizations I can donate it to, I just need to find one and get it there.

In other news, Karin and I ran our second 5K yesterday. I sucked hard and dragged her down with me but my head was not in it. Karin has already signed up for another one in January and I might join her. But this time I’ll make her swear to not stick with me and to go ahead and go faster if she wants. She’s got a quicker pace and better endurance than I do so I think I weigh her down. But it’s fun to have someone to go with even if we don’t end up running and finishing together.

We also had my parents over for dinner last night so we could be Christmas-y with them. We ate way too much but it was so good.

I think we are done with Christmas shopping but I’m still stumped  about the teachers at Bridget’s Mother’s Day Out. I should have planned better and started her in January, but alas I’m on the hook for gifts this year. The teachers each have a wish list for the classroom - things like batteries for the toys and swings, and paper towels. I’ve bought some things for that. But do I also need to give a personal gift to them? I don’t want to do the wrong thing and either not give something personal to both of them, or to go overboard and look like a suck-up. Man, I thought I’d have more time in my life to figure such things out. Any advice?

This time next week, we’ll be off to enjoy Christmas in Oklahoma. I sure hope everyone gets their power back soon. I had no idea the damage from the ice storm was so extensive. It’ll be sad to see. I’m just glad that all of our family is safe. Some are without power but they are safe.

And now I am off to get Bridget up and fed. She’s sleeping in apparently. A visit with Grandma and Grandpa really wears a girl out!

Farewell, Lucy

It’s done. She’s gone.

Shortly before we left the house, I gave her a can of tuna, a special treat, and she ate it. I chose to be in the room with her when she was put to sleep. I don’t know exactly why that was so important to me but I felt like I owed it to her to not let her go alone, with only strangers. I stood by her head, rubbing her ears the way she always liked and telling her over and over again how much I loved her and that we would miss her, and that she was a good dog. They tell you that it’s quick and painless and it is. She did literally just go to sleep. Within less than a minute the vet let me know that her heart had stopped.

I know that putting her down was the right thing to do. I’m not sure that being in the room with her was the sane choice for me because all I can picture now is her lying on the table, still warm to the touch but gone. I guess it’s better that I did get to see her go, that I know without a shadow of doubt that her death was quick, dignified and painless.

I feel a healthy measure of guilt because we have been debating for a while now what to do with her. She was causing a lot of stress and difficulty in the house. She couldn’t be trusted around Bridget. She snarled. She actually bit me twice in the past few months, a fact I hid even from Jake until yesterday because I knew he’d want me to get her out of the house. Now I know that part of it (not all, but part) was because she was actually ill. I feel guilty for all the yelling at her I’ve done in the past year. I feel like in some ways I wished for this. I didn’t really. I just needed a relief from the stress she was causing. I have to put my human family first. But now that I have it, now that there is no barking coming from the top of the stairs, I almost don’t know what to do with myself.

For all her faults, she was my constant companion for ten years. She was my friend, my protector and my warm body to snuggle with on the many lonely nights I spent in between a very bad breakup and when I met Jake two years later. She came with us to New York, where her presence let me feel safe when I was home by myself.

Wherever you are in the universe, Mrs. Ricardo, you’ll be missed.

Awful

That’s just how I feel right now. Awful.

In about an hour, we have to have Lucy put to sleep.

She’s not well. She stopped eating earlier this week. I took her to the vet, who did blood work and determined that she is starting liver failure and/or has a tumor somewhere near or on her liver. She also is anemic. She is eleven years old and he doesn’t feel we have much chance of improving her quality of life. So this is what he recommends and what we need to do.

I don’t know what to do. I feel almost all cried out over it. I’ve never had to do this. I’ve never lost a pet at all, and certainly never had to make the call to end one’s life. I know it’s the right thing to do and I know she knows I love her.

I just don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next hour.

Quiet

The house is eerily quiet. I don’t know quite what to do with  myself. I’ve been crying off and on all morning. And not just because I went to church Nordstrom and shopped for jeans.

Today Bridget started Mother’s Day Out. She’s such a big girl. It’s hard for me, but we need it. We need the time apart, she and I.  She needs to be around other kids and learn to play and share and all that jazz. Things she’ll never learn around here, seeing as she’s probably going to be an only child. And honestly I think we were kind of getting on each other’s nerves.  So I found a place, we went on a tour, I fell in love and I wrote them a big check. She’ll go Tuesdays and Thursdays, just from 9:30 to 2:30, so it’s not even all day. Just long enough for her to play, nap, eat, play some more and then come home. And long enough for me to vacuum without worrying about making her cry. Well, normally I’d vacuum but today I had to shop for jeans. But we aren’t going there in this post.

I’m home now with the vague idea of either vacuuming or making some cookie dough for later baking. I only have about an hour before I have to leave to go get her. What can I get done in an hour? Hmmm…. I think vacuuming wins. The dog  hair that abounds is making me sick. And my ass doesn’t need any more holiday treats. Did I mention the jeans trying-on this morning? Did I mention I made fudge on Sunday? Five pounds of fudge? What? Don’t look at me like that. My recipe is called “Five Pounds of Chocolate Fudge.” I’ll post the recipe later today. It’s really easy, but it’s real fudge, not that fakey stuff. Most of it went to the neighbors as a holiday gift. The rest of it is sitting in the fridge. I have only eaten one piece so far. I must find a way to get it out of the house. Anyone want any? I’ll box it up and mail it to you. If I make the cookies, I’ll include a few of those too.

OK, well I’m wasting precious vacuum time.  And fudge eating time.